Yearly Twitter Memes

2011 is pretty much filled with big emotion obviously. Who would have thought that things eventually will turn out to be this say some for the better and some even for worst. Yes, it is never been a perfect one. It's one of those awkward moments when I tried to look back years from now I'll probably end up saying to myself, I'm glad I had survive it with a head up high.

And then there are those painful moments like the passing of a loved one that makes you think about deeper thoughts towards life that whatever you have in this world everything is just a waste most especially when death succumbs you. I still going to miss those special people who had been a great part of me just like beautiful memories that I always try to sealed and kept in the depths of my heart.

 

Still I'll be writing more soon! Namaste.

Methinks Currently #2

listening to: My Sacrifice by the band Creed.. nothing in particular actually.. just old random playlist sitting in my winamp.

thinking: future writing goals

wishing: for something edible and sweet!

feeling: exhausted and over-thinking


wanting: to be missed by the world

reading: too preoccupied to read books lately.. I'm evil, I know.

wearing: the same old random stuff in my cabinet.. a white shirt and floral pajamas


hoping: to finished a lens ideas I started since a week ago.

enjoying: the newly installed wifi at home.

needing: more patience and energy to accomplish goals both in spiritual and secular life.

weather: 23-31 deg. pretty much the weather is crazy the whole day so far.. now it's freaking hot..

wondering: will I ever get the motivation to finish all these web content stuff tonight?!

Thanks to all those who are still up and reading this. :)

Just for the sake of my love for blogging..

I can't believe I've been blog-less for such a long time now. I'm too caught up with so many whirlwind going on in real life. In a situation like this, it's either you are in controlled or being controlled most likely. I'm trying hard to find my focus and acceptance that each and everyone of us goes through these series of realization towards life in general.

All these things came about after the passing of my grandfather who succumb to cancer for almost a month now. I guess, there's still a part of me that is grieving for him that somewhere at the back of my head thoughts came in,  I will no longer able to see him again in this life.

Somehow, just encountering the death of a loved one made you realize that death is a part of life that no one is excuse. That is where grieving came into the picture. People tend to grief in so many different ways. It's being human. A fascinating switch of emotion through joy, pain and grief that takes you into a totally different experience. I really can't do that all at the same time. It's too emotionally absorbing and draining to the body. Good grief.

And there you came December. I know it wasn't the easiest time of the season for me in terms of my physical condition where feels like I'm caught with a certain type of cold virus. Well, what a fuzzy month. Plus, the year is totally coming to an end as time flies by so swiftly. I barely notice it. Pretty much this is my life I'm supposed to get used to it.

Now I need to focus my remaining energy to formulate new niche ideas in the coming days. Maybe create my very own bucket list, website, write letters and procrastinate more (the best job in the world!). 

Change of season? Turning tides?

Probably.

I'm anxiously caught between these real life drama seems surfacing out inevitably. It is in these facets of reality about life that makes you utter in a way that, no this is not happening but sadly it is.

Sometimes, before you even knew it life has its own way of turn things the other way around the least you expected it whether you like it or not.

Some say, the best way to deal with every problem nor so-called stress is to deal with it or ignore it in either way you choose. I guess, we all come to a point where circumstances push to shove that we can do nothing but to surrender ourselves to the Most High that it's time for Him to take over the ship when the chances of landing on the clear shores is a blur.

Self realization: life is a cycle where change is the only permanent damn thing. Only fools like me don't ever realizes it.

The Things I Supposedly Learned about LIFE

I didn't wrote this one. I randomly read it somewhere on somewhere else's blog. But this is what somehow speaks my heart lately and some that comes up to my realization lately.. More lately's.

I've learned that....

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is to be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. 


No matter how much I care, some people just don't care back. And it's not the end of the world.


It takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it.


It's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.


You shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.


It's not what happens to people, it's what they do about it.


No matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.


You should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.


You can keep going long after you think you can't.


Heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.


There are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.


Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.


True friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.


Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.


No matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while, and you must forgive them for that.


It isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.


No matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.


Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.


Just because two people argue, it doesn't mean that they don't love each other.


Just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.


Sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.


Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.


No matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.


Your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.


Even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.


That writing as well as talking can ease emotional pains.


That the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.


It's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings, and standing up for what you believe.


And most of all to love and be loved..


There goes the learning about life never stops as the possibilities are endless. 

20 Q's

I guess, it's the time of the year again when it feels like nothing much new ever happens to me though I know how much this world is fast pace and ever changing. Pretty much things worked that way at times. I should have known better. Anyway just for the sake of having to do something I have to answer these questions. Sorry.

1) When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
My earliest memory is wanting to be a doctor. I grew up spending most of my time with the hands of my ever friendly medical specialist who would do nothing but to check if I'm still capable of a medication nor if there's progress in my medical case. Now I need to buried that long time dream of mine as I am incapable to do that duties physically.

2) What have you done in the past week to help someone else?
Nothing.. I can't think of right now. I'm a terrible person believe it or not.

3) Who is the best dressed person you know?
Probably, my sisters and cousins.. I'm surrounded by a lot of beautiful people who dressed in their everyday fashion sort of way.

4) What is on your nightstand?
a decorative plastic sunflower on a vase, a glass of water, a stack of books, air freshener, sticky note of the list to-do, tv remote control... lots of stuff.

5) If you were a cat, what kind of cat would you be?
Probably, I would want to be cuddly, playful and cute and grumpy like Macha used to be.

6) If you lived in a house surrounded by acres of trees, what particular type of tree would you want flourishing on your land?
I'm very much a Pinoy so I want some narra trees planted in the areas of my house.

7) What do you find to be very overrated?
Relationships.

8) How many email addressed do you have?
Two. The first one I created since high school.. and the second one is where I use in a more serious stuff like squidoo, social networking and etc.


9) Have you ever felt replaced?
Yes, at times. It really happens.

10) Would rather watch football or baseball?
I don't think so.

11) Name a lyric from the song you're listening to.
You by the light you're the greatest find in the world full of wrong you're the thing that's right... lss

12) What is the wallpaper on your phone?
a randomize pre-installed wallpaper

13) Do you use a feed reader?
Google reader but not that often.

14) What chocolate do you always leave in the box?
I'm not that particular with chocolates.. anything that is available. Choconut, Cloud 9, pretty much the local brands.

15) What would you do if you found out your ex is engaged!
Wow. Pretty much that is the worse situation to be into. Since I've never been ever. I probably will not get in touch with him.

16) Do words hurt you?
Yes, it is most of the time.

17) Are you a talker or a listener? Is it ever possible to really be both?
I always try my best to do both.. Though I am more of a talker at times when needed but I tried to listen because it is where you can learn more about people and their stories.

18) Have you ever walked on a beach at night?
Yes, I did. It was on a Congregation outing almost 6 years ago.

19) Who is your favorite professional athlete?
Of course where my hommies are, it's Manny Pacquiao.. He knows how to play the game inside and outside the ring..

20) Which TV show have you seen pretty much every episode of?
There's a lot.. House MD, Grey's Anatomy, Glee, NCIS, Bones.. I'm a couch potato.

Obviously, I just came here to VENT!

My head is totally out of whacked the whole day. I felt that I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown streaming from some issues unconsciously hanging at the back of my mind. It’s one of those days where I really want to scream out loud at the top of my lungs. This is so unfair!

There are just some things that will just hit you like a literal slap in the face. A certain realities about people can really be disappointing at times most especially if that person is so close to your heart. It pains me to think I’m just left with this online job where I don’t know when will I able to stand through all this. I long for at least a support coming from a father that I can’t do these things all alone. I don’t know for the first time in a very long time I felt the need of needing someone where you can lean on, cheer you up and where you can tell everything about what goes through the day and anything under the sun that stirs up my curiosity. Probably, it’s the same old story but in a times like this you are just left by yourself in the solid ground. Being the fragile person as I am, I never intend to use hate as a defense mechanism for me feel much better when someone do me wrong. But to my surprise, this is definitely the worst feeling in the world. I am not perfect and I never will aim for perfection. Yes, it’s suffocating how certain people get into your nerves because I am so helpless to fight back with all my might…

How could he just forgot me that easily? He didn’t trust me that much that I am here to understand. I am here not as a burden. I am here because I can be a friend. I am here because I am his daughter. Now I can’t totally focus every time because I’m the shock absorb-er in the family. How I wish I have the toughest skin as ever. But the stresses left me there in the open and tied up. I don’t know when and how will I able to stand all this. I’m sick and tired of some people’s crap in my life right now. I’ve always been in good terms to everyone but lately I’m left all alone with issues that neither I can’t even solve. I miss the old times. I only got to hold on to the memories but I do love my life right now. There are just some things I know and I can do now compare before. I guess, I just want to go back maybe because of the simplicity of life and the least of responsibility I tend not to cherish a few years back. Though as you tried to look back I don’t have regrets in some ways because I learn to take risks. Taking risks is the usual thing I do in order to survive in the past few years. In pursuing my medication, I took risk my life in the hands of doctors and medical people which I even barely know. And even finding my own place in the sun, I just take risk…

I know there’s no easy way out in everything about this life. There are some quiet moments wishing I don’t have this limitation so I can enjoy life to the fullest. But I only got my life right now. As well make the most of it and what I have for tomorrow I will not be here. That is probably the pessimistic optimist post you can ever read in my entries. This probably too shall pass!

May the force be with you.

Probably what goes around comes back around.

Today I really want to write in a more upbeat manner just for the reason that life is what it is. For the most part, words are just words though real life away from the blogosphere can be pretty much exhausting, fun and stressful at times all rolled into one.

What a bumpy ride.

There are times when I totally want to drown myself into a deep slumber in a good way but what can I do there's no easy way out in the midst of an issue surfacing one after the other.

I guess, everything comes in a matter of perspective. It's either hope for the best or just expect the worst. I tried to believe so.

I'm indifferent. Today I chose to be me. Today is not that tragic. It's just one of those average days when I'm bound to let the time to pass by. Clockwatching. Learning to conform and embrace the beauty of ambiguity that everything goes like a cycle of tides turning.

Today I'm grateful that I am stronger than before in terms of emotional level somehow in order to survive you got to have the toughest skin as ever. I admit there are things I want to learn to let go inside myself like to never take grudges and bury the things that needed to buried. I could have forgotten some of the painful memories of the past having this disability and looking back was such a waste of time but for me this is what personal blogging is all about. I call this as my only outlet. I treat this like a friend, my great confidant. A psychological therapy that eventually recording the things out of the madness of the moment can be passe. When I was in college, I learned the real value of patience about people in either way they will love you or hate you. As I've never been this friendly like myself now in my schooling days, I am aloof most of the time. I closed my doors in getting to know anyone and meeting new people treating them as if they are going to bite me. I guess, to make the story brief you have to treat everyone like you want to be treated. Probably, that includes personal issues treating it like the way it want to be treated. Love begets love.

Sorry but I need my personal space to grow up and taking everything in slowly which I somehow cannot grasp in a few years back. Yes, I'm totally disconnecting myself with family and friends that was very much of me counting down the days of isolation in either way I don't have a choice. I guess, that let me maintain the level of sanity I have today in a figurative speaking. I just can't fit in much worse back then. That I really don't want anyone to define me and fit into some sort of a mold. It is a synchronicity revolves around in your life that appears in the way beyond your control.

Now I just take a deep breathe. Isn't that life is breath taking.

Such is life.

One of the few tragedy written about life is that it can throw you out of the bus the least you expected it. From one morning you woke up full of hopes all of a sudden it changes everything from your perspective to the things you ever cared of. Blame human nature.

I guess, it always seems to be that way. We may admit it or not, there are circumstances that makes everything blown out of proportion to the extent you are wondering if you can ever still patch it up or be settled and cling to the notion that things can never be the same again...

To be continued...

Methinks Currently

listening to: "Sigh No More by Mumford and Sons.. I just recently discovered the band..

thinking: trying not think too much.

wishing: I lived on the beach...ha!

feeling: just recovered from a bad day.

wanting: to be less a little needy..

reading: On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King

wearing: colorful floral printed pajamas and a pink tees

hoping: to sleep real soon.

enjoying: online work..

needing: not much really but a little patience I guess.

weather: 27 C.. much better not too warm or cold..

wondering: why I can't get enough of blogging at this late.. I'm supposed to be sleeping.

Let me do this again tomorrow. :)

everyday I'm shufflin' shufflin'

So the battle for everything continues... as always.

I just can't believe we are almost halfway through the year in just a blink of an eye here goes December again. Pretty much I'm bound myself into this same old brand new routine for quite some years now. I live and breathe into this so-called chaos hoping for the best in everything in life in general. I don't know. Somehow, the silver lining was just right there hiding beneath the surface. Don't get me wrong. It's funny how I'm loving my life right now so far the madness is under control. It's not that the melancholy always took its toll on me. I'm upbeat and I can say that I'm living the best days of my life.

I guess, I've always been a worrywart. I worry about things why it worked and it didn't worked. I worry about how to make both ends meet. Pretty much I worry about nonsense about people wishing at the end of the day all the best in them and the things you can do and you can't change just like the same old story does.

Yes, I do worry a lot like grown ups sad to say.

I tried to believe that this is just a series of episodes in life where you are just wondering, what is next? God only knows, is it going to be much worse than the other? I know the answers to these questions had always been keeping on the fine fight of faith that the things happen in life in either way has a purpose and it always seems to be. For the most part, happiness is a choice as for the moment, I tried to believe. The surest comfort I tried to console myself that what I have right now doesn't define me. Everything is just temporary. For the first time in a very long time it just put a smile to my face to that feeling that I'm still on the right track and never lose my composure no matter what this life has to offer.

Probably, I'll try to keep on the flow of things as they say.

Tired.
Super Tired.
Sleepy but can't sleep.
Time to throw myself into the haystack soon.

A very late Father's Day Post

(here I am when I was a toddler kissing my dad on cheeks while cuddling my 5th month old baby sister Neriza on his right arm..)

I know, this is some kind of late of me.. But how many times they say, it's better late than never. It took me some time off to gather old photos out from the cluttered piles of pictures to what seems like to me has been long dead and gone...

A quarter life crises of all sorts

I easily succumb to loneliness lately. It crept up and eaten me down like a hungry animal waiting to beaten on its prey. No, it's not loneliness before I knew it. It's a quarter life crises probably.

Check if you experience some of these:

Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include as described by Wikipedia.

confronting one's own mortality
insecurity concerning ability to love oneself, let alone another person
insecurity regarding present accomplishments
re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
lack of friendships or romantic relationships, sexual frustration, and involuntary celibacy (set aside this one for my own preferences, lol)
disappointment with one's job
nostalgia for university, college, high school, middle school or elementary school life
tendency to hold stronger opinions
boredom with social interactions
loss of closeness to high school and college friends
financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unexpectedly high cost of living)
loneliness, depression and suicidal tendencies
desire to have children
a sense that others are doing better than oneself
frustration with social skills

Probably, a quarter life crises are in the making on its way somewhat questioning things like, have I done enough to make it into this life. I guess, I’ve done my fair share of the things I can at least to make myself feel better. Let me took the credit for being some sort of a worrywart in this whole thing.

Now the realization is this: there’s no learning manual, tutorials or webinars that can actually lead you to conquer the highest mountain of fears towards the life in there at the other side. I knew from the start that things ain’t be easy for the moment I step out my comfort zones I have a freaking feeling that I really need to let go and it’s a point of no return as I heard my Mama said.

Twenty five years is not enough to learn all my lessons well and the hardest part of it is on how to keep up in this life.

Old and new resentments about my father still haunting me like I’m the biggest failure happen to his life. Physically I failed at some point for being the eldest daughter who should definitely take charge and look after the family’s welfare. But cheating is never a reasonable excuse. I know, how majority of men cheats nowadays (excuse me, I’m talking in general) but this should not be the case no one can stop a person for being a father, a father not in words but in deeds.

Anyway, who am I to find fault in anyone? Everything was just a plain observation of my spotless mind.

See, I will never learn.

breaking away from the monotony

Or should I say breaking away from the PAST and LET Go...

As I am writing this all the thoughts from the past years of experiences and battles seems coming through again in my head. It haunts me as it is forever be a part of me. Somewhere in this dark, cold and dump solitary confinement I had found the surest comfort that I could possibly find as well as hoping against hope that there’s got to be more to life than this. And it always caught me off guard.

Glad I’ve already gone through those years when it feels like everything is in a blur. Somehow the thing I called “madness” is eventually under control. I’m still the same small person in a little more tolerable on how life will throw at me at the end of the day. People can be disappointing at times or neither have I tended to overlook my own shortcomings on either way. I guess we all do have that baggage we still can’t let go. So did I.

Sometimes, I wish to wake up as a different person the next day. Wishing I can do all the things that life withholds in the past few years that is being snatch from me.

You may call it past grievances. I grieve for the lost time. I grieve for the years. I grieve for having this limitation. I grieve for the pain I cause while I’m finding my way in believing in myself that eventually I can put the pieces back together and work on my recovery. I grieve for one person who contributes to my well being that passed away years ago but it always brings back the smile to my face knowing the legacy he has left. I guess, there will come a person in our life maybe a stranger, an old familiar face, possibly a loved one who will inspire you and change your life forever not necessarily in a romantic manner.

That is why how they say; people come and go but those you find special always find a way to stay in heart...

A Touch of Nature Snapshot

A lonely flower from the corner... :-)

Everyday ordinary rants

Feeling slightly detached today though I really don’t know where all the crappy-ness streaming out somewhere in my system. I’ve secluded myself into some sort of a bubble for quite some time now.

This is my life. Sounds like a self-affirmation. So be it.

I should’ve known better that this routine was synonymous to none other than loneliness though no one ever notices it as the passing of the day.

I’m trying not to over psyche myself that working at home has finally taking its toll on me inevitably. For once in my life I woke up for something I can hold on to but in case like this it seems like I’ve booked myself into a self exiled island where life is pretty much like the day after tomorrow.

Days come and it goes. A myriad of cycles I’m still tied up into this cave. All is bound to change except me or I can barely notice it.

On the other hand, if there are pains definitely there comes the gain in all this. I tried to believe so. I’m way past of the things I tried to worked on in the past few months so far it is smoothly going on its way where it’s supposed to be. I’m trying to figure out the sense of doing this ‘art’ for quite a long time now.

Probably, I’ll need to plan out another goal or new niche in the coming days that is.

Now I’m tired and it’s time to rest my case.

What's the deal?

You just know when a bad case of procrastination and too much sleep hits in you so I'll be better off clean a huge mass of old photos in my hard drive to post it here.

Somewhere in the early 90's

Unmotivated 20 Questions

Feels like I’ve woke up in the wrong side of bed today though on a positive note I fully attain the long hours of sleep last night. Once again, I’m grappling for an ounce of motivation or something that I could hold on to but so far things are under control.

For a long time I’m anticipating this to happen every time this time of the year arrives feels like the day started and ends it as it comes. Nothing much remarkable things to astound you about, it’s something like a PMS or a writer’s block episode on its way. I guess, I should have known better. This is my life, a malleable reality in either way that is.

So, without further ado I happened to snap some questionnaires to someone else’s blog. I probably should do this from now on.

What’s the last sporting event you watched on TV?
Pacman and Mosley fight last Sunday. It was a no sweat fight for Pacquaio.

The world could do without:
heartless and indifferent people

What is the farthest you have ever been from home?
I’ve never been away from home ever. I’m agoraphobic, come on.

Four sports teams you like:
Chicago Bull, LA Lakers, Houston Rockets, Boston Celtics

What is your favourite kind of cereal?
Just plain and simple.

What is it time for right now?
trying to have a breather in a tad bit.

You wake up and discover that it's a rainy, dreary day out. Does this affect your attitude at all or do you tend to stay happy no matter what the weather is doing?
I always enjoy the rain and the cool temperature as it cools my head off from the side tracks of life. Though all in all I can stay in pajamas all day.

What is the best way to spend a Sunday afternoon?
working on to set up a blog, squidoo and online projects

What is your favorite appetizer?
Potato chips and soups

Why did you pick the outfit you have on?
I’m a random person I usually wear what’s available in my closet.

How sensitive are you to cool temperatures?
I can tolerate any kind of weather but not that extreme temperature..

What's your favorite blanket like?
a soft pink with a cartoon character printed on..

What is/was your maternal grandfather's name?
Victor

Are you scared of bees?
Nope. Just don’t make the bees flew in my direction.. 

How many lurkers do you think you have that read your blog, but never comment? Have you ever been successful at getting them to say hello? Do you mind the lurking? Are you a lurker? Or do you try and comment every time you visit?
I’ve never been interested to know, honestly. Never done blogging as much as regularly before and never interested in anyone comments but if there are I really appreciate it. Most of those people who wrote me comments are those who I usually keep in touch with online in the online work.

Desktop or laptop?
I have a mini laptop about 8.9 inch that use in typing, researching, and all the music stuff. I’m wanting to own a desktop in though in the future.

What is your favorite kind of cheese?
Cheddar cheese.. the one with soft and creamier taste.

What is the oldest thing you own?
old photos from childhood and my parents, a cabbage patch doll, my dad’s general psychology book

How did your car get that little scratch/dent? (Because let’s face it, we ALL have car stories, right?)
I don’t own one. The car I’ve been using in college all went straight to sale. I miss those days.

Which would you rather do: the dusting or the vacuuming?
I prefer dusting off the dirt.. with a broom.

-Reposted (a supposed entry from yesterdays disappeared because of blogger's glitch)

Enjoying Life’s Ride and Disabilities through Blogging Against Disablism Day (BADD DAY)

Needless to say, I almost found myself amaze how years gone by and being ever so thankful that I’m still here alive and kicking and writing and sharing about disablism for almost three years now. Woot.

It’s been a crazy ride so far, a roller coaster ride of emotion that is. There are days where I just can easily get over the hype over the realities that times are changing, accepting the things I can do and I can’t do and that people in general do change on how they react on your disability and the best way to deal with it is to go on with the flow.

I believe that we are into this life having that unique way of living on how we carry ourselves, on how we try to conform ourselves into compromising events and ever changing situations towards non able-ness and eventually pushing ourselves to the limit up to our certain fixed points.

It is said that the human body has its own way of healing so having that capacity were capable of enduring pain and suffering somehow. For the most part, we feared not because of the suffering but by certain realities that life can never be the same again after a calamity. It left us often struck and downhearted as our life is being overshadowed by doubts and fear.

Though how many times we stumble and fall, it always lead us to the point of self-awakening that probably there’s a reason in everything behind this crap mentality. The only consolation I try to believe in just to console myself before I go to sleep. And even though it’s more a cliché as it sounds it just makes me want to believe more that eventually we’re going to find ourselves despite our handicaps and there are those who just found God.

I already discussed before some sour note of statistics of persons with disability or also known as PWD and the implication of disablism in the different aspects of my life. This time around I will not try question the universe or God into something I already done past with because I already know the reason why I'm still here and that is because we continue this fight towards life even if things gets blurry and aren't worth fighting for.

There aren't so much to say anymore aside from I'm just trying live my life and let go and let God...

A Blast from the Past

March madness here you go.

A bit tired and still stoked for this week’s outcome so far the online work goals have met and I’m pretty much satisfied how things paid off in the past few months. I guess, it did come timely for my needed boost it’s just so tiring how these routine of late night hours slowly burning me out. But I still need to work on more to monetize my so-called commercial blogs though which I often neglected for too many lame excuses.

So far, life is good so to speak.

Someone out there has been answering my prayers for me to make things possible in my own little way. It is the little least thing I can contribute for the love of writing and making money online. Yes, it is pretty much a routine kind of life as the days pass and the weeks is over I realize how am I making all this possible for a living for almost four years now. Such a bummer kind of life and the best part of it is that I just have to be myself sitting in front of the computer with my pajamas on. It looks as though I careless but nothing is much to complain about as long as I’m just doing my thing and not hurting anyone. Pretty much I can rest my case.

Yes, it has been a blast from the past sort of weeks for me. I often didn’t get used to this. I rarely talked to people more openly than I do now. And the thing is that somehow I am able to stand some people’s dogmas and how it also made an impact in my life today. I just can’t believe myself thriving on how I perceive certain realities in life and celebrating life’s little victories. Maybe it’s me being introverted socially without constraining myself about the outcome away from my comfort zones. Suddenly I’ve been a different person so far it’s great to move on in life knowing I am actually capable of this growth and acceptance.

In a lighter note, I think I just have to continue doing what I am able to do and still keep on searching that silver lining out there at the end of the day. Living life to the fullest in my own set of potentials I think I just to have to continue all this crap. Life is too short after all the calamities happening in the world today.

If not being morbid, let’s enjoy today for tomorrow will be no longer here.

Even before you sleep don’t forget to say a little prayer to all those who had lost their lives, homes and family in all this horrifying natural disasters.

When age is a dreadfully dreaded number

The trouble in listening to sappy love songs is that it makes you teary eyed, runny nose, and it can almost breaks you down all of a sudden with or without a definite reason into a series of emotional uphill climb.

Thanks to Steven Curtis Chapman’s I will be here then a quick switch to head banging sound of Kings of Leon – that is pretty much on my random boring playlist lately. I won’t mind. Good times.

Now the dreadfully dreaded day is here. I know, age is just a number.Well, it's a little too early anyways I rather post it or I may end up procrastinating later on. It’s not like a mid-quarter life crisis but you know the feeling when you reached that certain age you start to wonder and question yourself. What’s going on? Am I living it right? It’s just okay when you are just eighteen don’t worry I still live with my parents and you still have one year to go before you’re on your twenties. Then when you are on your twenties you have to endure the frustrations of finishing school and finding work and all other jazz.

As for me it’s a different case. It’s a life in between the trivial and the road less traveled by many.

If you haven’t realized I’ve been insane a very long time ago. I just manage to win back my composure after being hit by a couple of surgeries and anesthesia and pain relievers and maybe a couple of divine interventions.

Please give the credit to a lot of amazing people in my life online and offline who fought and brave all the storms of life with me when I felt like I’m almost in the verge of giving up.

Time flies swiftly when you seem too much busy with life even if it feels like nothing is going on presumably after the day and the other. I guess, I sort of get used to the bubble for quite a long time now for me to get adjusted to the everyday routine after a couple of years of health-issues, online work and house musings simultaneously sometimes things kind of messed up. Pretty much it becomes part of my system which I never taken so seriously just like being in a room full of people you have even barely know. Every day feels like a brand new day and it is. Never withhold the enthusiasm of the kid in you from being curiously delighted in everyday life.


Of course, don’t take yourself often too seriously. Yes, I'm guilty because I always taken things so seriously.

Don’t get me wrong but I’m enjoying all the craziness somehow with a bit tad of dramas and exaggerations in a written word compare it halfway in real life.

It’s never too late to be grateful for who you are and what you ought to be and most especially to those people who never get tired believing in your potentials as a person as well those who don’t appreciate and believe. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what they’re thinking it doesn’t define you as a person anyway so better be good and cultivate your ideals and even accept the simplest and the least way that you can do.

And when everything becomes a blur, I’m opt to have some breather for awhile and in any case I just sleep or curl up myself with a good book or else you’ll find me end up watching MasterChef or pet my cat in any time of the day.

(If you are allergic to cats or dogs we cannot get along. Pretty much it’s chaotic inside the house but fun and it is what makes it homey.)

There it boils to one thing I’m pretty normal now I guess doing some reality check right there.

Though I admit it’s painful to read the past entries and I rather not wrote anything too personal but it is some sort of an aid to the road of healing. It’s not that I committed anything disgraceful in my life but this is me and this is what reality bites when you stricken with a disease and you can’t find your way out to be heard that can almost weaken all your ability you have no resort but to trust your guts and your intuition that eventually things will matter in the end.

Hang in there, Linchpins (as the famous Seth Godin puts it).

Somniphobia

More often than not, I should’ve known that there’s a fine line between sleep deprivation and the phobia of not able to wake up before you can even sleep.

Pretty much I tend to over psyche myself in the run of days after days, weeks and after weeks and months and after months. I know this should not be the case. Feels like I’m tied up somewhere literally in this chair with all these thinking thoughts seems to haunt me in every single time of the day. Sounds like a creepy me but that is what it is.

This time of the year I’m working on setting goals for me towards life general so I admit it really was a terrible mistake sometimes you can’t hold on the things that your heart is longing for in life in general like in secular work even if you worked really hard for it in either way it could make or break you. Worst of all, it can applied for people too. People are people. Sometimes, things don’t work out.

All throughout the day is what a struggle. I’m struggling to cope with little distractions and anxieties coming my way to focus on the brighter side of life, the simple pleasures that can easily make me smile and knowing that I can still have the chance to wake up another day seeing my Mom being there by my side.

When I was asked about finding the greener pasture, all that came to my mind is that there’s no greater greener pasture other than being with someone (not always applied in a romantic way!) who gave up something in their life just to be with you. This could be a parent, a family member or one particular person you owe a lot to be the person you are now. This is what this limitation brought me to thinking not to take anyone for granted for life is so fragile and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life I haven’t done anything at least to appreciate and bring back to Jehovah all the gratitude that this life has to offer. His immense understanding for all the things that concerns me is somehow comforts me when the battle becomes too weary. I know every battle is not ours only to bear for without HIM we are nothing. No one can stand. We are a mile far from perfection not even this system.

Psalm 139: 23-24:

Search through me, O God and know my heart
examine me and know my disquieting thoughts

And see whether there is in me any painful way
and lead me in the way of time indefinite.

So to end this on a positive, if thinking thoughts is what keeps me sane in this cynical world so be it. At least for now that is all I can do and let me write all this stuff until everything clears.

Just Go On.

And that explains it...

I'm gonna make it mine. Yes, I'll make it all mine! [Jason Mraz]

Just heard this song for a couple of times on a random playlist. I just thought to posr this as a perfect jump start more like a motivation to stop myself from procrastinating most of the time.

I don't know why I am easily got tired of working on some of my online projects and that just makes me wanting more to sleep. Though don't get me wrong life is pretty much has been good to me all through these years.

I just feel blessed that I'm still here doing the things I truly love amidst the all the difficulties to work on the things I really needed instead of wanting it.

Who said it would be that easy? I should have known and yet I'm still learning my way to get there and grasp the fruits of labor that I worked on in the past 3 years of working online and maintain that level of sanity! :)

Wake up everyone
How can you sleep at a time like this
Unless the dreamer is the real you

Listen to your voice
The one that tells you
To taste past the tip of your tongue
Leap in, the net will appear

I don't wanna wake before
The dream is over
I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I, I know it

I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I'll make it all mine

I keep my life on a heavy rotation
Requesting that it's lifting you up, up, up and away
And over to a table at the Gratitude Cafe

And I am finally there
And all the angels they'll be singing
Ah la la la, ah la la la
I la la la la love you

I don't wanna break before
The tour is over
I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I, I'll own it

I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I'll make it all mine

And timing's everything
And this time there's plenty
I am balancing
Careful and steady
And reveling in energy that everyone's emitting

Well I don't wanna wait no more
Oh I wanna celebrate the whole world
I'm gonna make it mine
Oh yes I'm following your joy

I'm gonna make it mine
Because I, I am open
I'm gonna make it mine
That's why, I will show it

I'm gonna make it mine
Gonna make it mine
Oh mine
Yes I'll make it all mine

Making a Mountain Out of Mole Hill

This is probably my 83th posts ever in this free platform of blogs that blogger has to offer. Do I make sense? I admit. I’ve never been a persistent, objective, resourceful, incredible (and all the goody adjectives that you can think of) characteristics of a blogger which I’m really sorry and regret by the way. Yes, time flies swiftly! It was four year past since I first wrote here a few ramblings, mad rants and anything goes through me at the end of the day. It was plainly out of my necessity to come up with something where I can voice out all the angst, odd stories and bad hair days away from the eyes of my many judgmental critics. So far, I’m glad that I did make my fair share of crap published in the internet. Can anyone estimate the volumes of crappy-ness ever published in the internet? I wonder, do they ever think of creating a software to filter all the crappy-ness ever existed in the internet. For sure, Google won’t be surprise and it has an enough volumes of that to be indexed in algorithms. Please don’t sue me I’m pretty sure we’re all guilty of that.

It’s just that I’m such a sloth of posting entries nowadays. Surprisingly, I was running out of awesome-ness to tell about how it was like to be in the day of a life of me?! I’m still wearing the same clothes and still waking up to be the same person nothing much new really. I’m still sleeping in the same couch bed next to a nifty computer waiting to formulate new ideas pretty much a bunch of crap which I surprisingly I can go on make a living I guess in the span of 5 years or more (if I’m still alive) still got all the rubbish published and being indexed by Google. That would be an enough reason for me to celebrate the life I had in the internet. I didn’t wished to be a sensation or anything but we all do have our own share of freedom so let me used it the way I’d like to. I guess, this is the price I have to pay for too much information.

At times I’ve been wrongly accuse of complaining about life and all that jazz but the truth is that I pretty much well adjusted to the routines though it’s tough doing work which no one can ever understand except those trying to make a living out of something like I do. Yes, I love exaggerating things to the extent that life is not meant to live to be boring…

The Best Things in Life are FREE

It’s a way past the new years where everyone gets giddy and I’m supposed to compose something to stop myself from bothering whatsoever. Then I thought I better not make a resolution this time around feels like every day for me becomes a major resolution for all the things I’m wishing for, worked for, hoped for and ever cared for. Pretty much an emotional roller coaster ride, mishaps adventures and blessings in disguise all rolled into one rocked my 2010. Though the best way to end it is by counting down the things I’ve always been grateful for because it is what makes the person I am today so far the better version of me. As much as I’ve never mentioned before that I eventually learned to appreciate the little things in life like what they say, the best things in life are free.

It’s never too late to learn the art of forgiving yourself, laughing at yourself and for having that tolerance in dealing with people no matter what they would cast on you. It’s always been nice to be a hopeful dreamer even if things won’t go your way there will always a plenty of room for improvement. Just know your passion and that you are born for a certain purpose whether you know it or not right away eventually things will reveal in God’s time. Life is never meant to be a smooth sailing journey but roads that are full of dirt, rocks and narrow roads that are sometimes cold and dark outside. That is when you have to muster up, find the courage and trust the guts you have inside that you can carry on. Yes, definitely it’s a tough road but once you cross the line and find your place into sun that is when you will become alive. It’s not that I’ve been dead for many years ago but as the years past and as you become years older and wiser, you will just know what I am talking about, I bet you!

Just go for it! Strike while the iron is hot…

Remember no disability and rejection can ever stop you from reaching your goals and hone your craft in the best way you can do who knows it could be the next bestselling masterpiece in the making. Though I’ve been there that road before, I was broke and about to close the doors towards myself and in everything that came in my life whether that can help me to cope with the disability nor contribute in my growth as an individual. Now I just feel blessed to be surrounded by an awesome support group ever in my life and having to know that Jehovah exists that we are just a piece of clay that is needed to be molded by HIM. This time I don’t have to question. This time I don’t want to ask. This time I understand.

I guess, that’s the way it is everything comes in a perfect timing and the best thing in living this life is that we always have an option and choices to make. When one door closes in one way or another door will definitely opens you’ll never know there’s always an endless possibility.

This time let me stick to my goals first and let’s see what happens next…