More often than not, I should’ve known that there’s a fine line between sleep deprivation and the phobia of not able to wake up before you can even sleep.
Pretty much I tend to over psyche myself in the run of days after days, weeks and after weeks and months and after months. I know this should not be the case. Feels like I’m tied up somewhere literally in this chair with all these thinking thoughts seems to haunt me in every single time of the day. Sounds like a creepy me but that is what it is.
This time of the year I’m working on setting goals for me towards life general so I admit it really was a terrible mistake sometimes you can’t hold on the things that your heart is longing for in life in general like in secular work even if you worked really hard for it in either way it could make or break you. Worst of all, it can applied for people too. People are people. Sometimes, things don’t work out.
All throughout the day is what a struggle. I’m struggling to cope with little distractions and anxieties coming my way to focus on the brighter side of life, the simple pleasures that can easily make me smile and knowing that I can still have the chance to wake up another day seeing my Mom being there by my side.
When I was asked about finding the greener pasture, all that came to my mind is that there’s no greater greener pasture other than being with someone (not always applied in a romantic way!) who gave up something in their life just to be with you. This could be a parent, a family member or one particular person you owe a lot to be the person you are now. This is what this limitation brought me to thinking not to take anyone for granted for life is so fragile and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life I haven’t done anything at least to appreciate and bring back to Jehovah all the gratitude that this life has to offer. His immense understanding for all the things that concerns me is somehow comforts me when the battle becomes too weary. I know every battle is not ours only to bear for without HIM we are nothing. No one can stand. We are a mile far from perfection not even this system.
Psalm 139: 23-24:
Search through me, O God and know my heart
examine me and know my disquieting thoughts
And see whether there is in me any painful way
and lead me in the way of time indefinite.
So to end this on a positive, if thinking thoughts is what keeps me sane in this cynical world so be it. At least for now that is all I can do and let me write all this stuff until everything clears.
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