Saturday, August 15, 2009

Cycle of madness

It’s a fine Saturday evening but why am I feeling stressed out and feeling a little bit of everything?

I’m tired of this humungous feeling of tiredness streaming out of nowhere. Period.

That’s why suddenly I felt that my system doesn’t work on the way it should. My mind can’t easily digest concepts of information I’m opt to do in writing as well in my future online projects. I’ve been doing some inner reassessment of how I’m doing with my life and everything in it. I was raised as someone to be the believer of things that somehow things might come my way hopefully. It was the same trait that both my parents would love to see me as someone who puts everything unresolved in the hands of the Most High. I guess, I did what I did to be the best that I can ever be.



For the most part, finding your inner peace sometimes can be deceiving and it is something you own when you are little and all of a sudden you grew up someone stole it away from you. No matter what you do, you still need to earn it as something worth of the price you pay. It’s just sad how we abruptly succumb to the change in the circumstances as if we have no choice with no resolution or whatsoever until you will never be the same again.

I don’t know. It seems that within me there are still so many things I need to absorb to let go like the certain madness that comes and goes. Maybe it’s neither all just a bad case of PMS nor a mental block overdue towards exhaustion. It was given that I’ve never been a healthy kid when I was child nor even I was while growing up. Little distractions easily puts me down in a certain manner that I really tried to hold everything in like everyone else. I remember the old high school days when I was being underestimated as a person who doesn’t have high regards in the knowledge of Algebra and all the academic nine yards in Mathematics. They try to measure my abilities in numbers as if it’s all that means in the world. I remember myself sitting at the first row because allegedly being a disabled child I was the number one priority; but you are all wrong. I never asked or begged people for them to prioritize me in the first place. If they doesn’t like the way I carry myself it doesn’t matter if I’ll be left alone forever on my own. Likewise, I’ve never been a good competitor while pursuing my academic pursuits.

Thinking way back then, it’s probably the most boring phase of my life nothing else.
Like what I said, perhaps it is all part of a madness that I need to go through. So far, I’m already done with it. But another milestone I still need to carry on every day. Life is pretty much a cycle. A cycle that has a beginning and an end but it also leads you into a conclusion that whatever you are right now it doesn’t fine you at all as a person...

Having said that, I'm ready to retire to my bed and call this "A Day!"



Breathe.
When all else fails, just breathe.
Live life as it is your last day earth.

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