Bridging the gap

After all the news of social media networking hiccups surfacing, it finally took its toll on me. I can’t remember when was the last time I had a few casual conversation with those people closed to my heart face to face. Well, except with the ones I had with mom a few hours ago and the tireless chattering with the busy buddies at home which leaves me to realize that I’m not invisible after all. The people in general that we encounter had this sort of connection to communicate, to inspire and to influence us even at a certain time of the day.



I don’t know. There are days when I really don’t feel like to be involved anymore. It’s not that I’m trying to reject any personal commendation or I’m not being grateful to them; I guess I’m just tired. Almost every day, I’m learning to bridge the gap between my own fears of uncertainty, the gap being in the world of abled people as well as forgiving myself which is the hardest thing to do at the end of the day. Some might say, how can you forgive others when you cannot forgive yourself? That is the question, I’m always asking. Had I given my best shot in everything that I can do today? What I am grateful for? Why can’t I find the courage to talk to my father in regards to all my deepest concerns? Have I done enough for all the special people that surrounds me including my mom to be proud of me as her daughter? What is my worst that I badly needed to change? How to let go of the things beyond my control and be passive if there’s no choice? Am I still ready to take risk like I did before?

Mostly, questions come up to me in a various ways and occasions. Writing about it serves as my way of contemplating on how life play smoothly as it is or am I getting there to where I’m supposed to be. The thing with writing your thoughts it comes and it goes sometimes it does give me a hard time to pinpoint on which is which I am anxious about that certain day. If I’m going to write it chronologically in a journal which I’d already done a few years back with my old notes, it would definitely take me some time to divert it as words don’t come easy at times. It’s like talking to the same old brand new person you once knew before but there you are you cannot grasp the right words. That is how I felt right now. Feels like I’m navigating through distant waters which I don’t know if I’m just trivializing things that is not going to happen at all. I guess, that’s how I would define my own set of hopes and fears...

For the meantime, let me leave it all behind this open page. Hopefully, someday I’ll get there to bridge the gap and wishing that this is all just nightmares in my wildest dreams.

Look who’s talking?

Breathe.