we're almost in the brink of ending this month apparently for some reasons things may seem pretty hard on us. almost everyday we live for our lives hoping for a better life, for a better place, and nothing but a better earth. somehow, I'm listening to a song by an amazing, amazing artist "India Arie" called "Beautiful".
this is all just a snippet of the song for i can't find a video to embed.
--------
The time is right
I'm gonna pack my bags
And take that journey down the road
Cause over the mountain I see the bright sun shinning
And I want to live inside the glow, yeah
I wanna go to place where I am nothing and everything
That exists between here and nowhere
I wanna got to a place where time has no consequence oh yeah
The sky opens to my prayers
I wanna go to place where I am nothing and everything
That exists between here and nowhere
I wanna got to a place where time has no consequence oh yeah
The sky opens to my prayers
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
Please understand that it's not that I don't care
But right know these walls are closing in on me
I love you more than I love life itself
But I need to find a place were I can breathe
I can breathe
I wanna go to place were I can hold the intangible
And let go of the pain with all my might
I wanna go to a place where I am suspended in ecstasy
Some where between dark and light
Where wrong becomes right
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Joining Blogging Against Disablism
So far, the weekend is over. I can finally say that I’ve got plenty of reason to rejoice as I’m stepping at the start of this week. The Sunday’s special talk raised so many points for me to reflect, and to think about in regards with the different aspects of my life right now.
It’s always been a great feeling for me knowing that I have something to hold on to when it comes to my faith in God. I guess, I’ve been enlighten in so many ways that I can’t help myself but to talk about it. When it comes to my faith it is something I highly do regards as a part of my way of living and not as an obligatory I’m oblige to give in return.
Somehow, our prayers are continually answered as we keep on knocking on to the Most High as He greatly knows us more than we know ourselves. Once again, I’m not trying to be preachy here. I don’t know you. But as we are living in this life, it would be great to live for something like a purpose why we are on this earth, why we keep on trying and why we still hope against hope.
Having that hope means so much to me. Sometimes, I tried to choose it and sometimes I don’t. Those are some moments when I felt like I’m so fragile emotionally and physically. Some sort of exhaustion from waking up in the morning looking at myself, feels like nothing is change and I’m still sitting on this chair for some reasons I can’t hardly get up.
Hopefully, in my lengthier blog later I’ll discussed about my genetic bone disorder for the benefit of those people who by chance bumps on my blog and somehow I’m able to pass some sort of awareness. The heck with it! You don’t know how close I am to leaving this “blog” which became a part of my lifeline in the past couple of years.
Yeah, I did pour my heart into this like I said my lifeline and my rear-view mirror to the world to write my suppressed thoughts as much I would like to tell people.
Well, I’m very eager to update this regularly. I’ve been thinking about joining in a blog group called “Blogging against Disablism” on May 1st 2009 as a campaign on awareness where we have to write our own life story, struggles and challenges living as a disabled person.
I hope I’m able to come up here and write about it. I’ve been blogging for almost four years now and I never joined in any groups of bloggers online, feels like it’s going to be something new to me for sure. Right now, I went back to Squidooing again. I notice that I had a lot of WIP’s lens on my dashboard in the past couple of months. I tried to focus on writing reviews, music, and food lens which I mostly know how.
I don’t know. I got so many plans in my head but due to lack of eagerness in my part it didn’t push through. I guess, that’s the way it is. We sometimes have to go on the flow. Just let it be.
Anyway, more randomize rants. The two pups (Ella and Dalgoon... I know, weird names for a dog) are given away for adoption today. They are given to our close relatives. Oh, yeah... I’m quite sad for being with them for quite some months now. Oh my, my mom’s babies. We have no choice but to let go of them. How can it that be??? The laptop I’m purchased doesn’t arrive yet! How frustrating!
They said, it gets tougher more and more everyday but that’s what it keep us going.
It’s always been a great feeling for me knowing that I have something to hold on to when it comes to my faith in God. I guess, I’ve been enlighten in so many ways that I can’t help myself but to talk about it. When it comes to my faith it is something I highly do regards as a part of my way of living and not as an obligatory I’m oblige to give in return.
Somehow, our prayers are continually answered as we keep on knocking on to the Most High as He greatly knows us more than we know ourselves. Once again, I’m not trying to be preachy here. I don’t know you. But as we are living in this life, it would be great to live for something like a purpose why we are on this earth, why we keep on trying and why we still hope against hope.
Having that hope means so much to me. Sometimes, I tried to choose it and sometimes I don’t. Those are some moments when I felt like I’m so fragile emotionally and physically. Some sort of exhaustion from waking up in the morning looking at myself, feels like nothing is change and I’m still sitting on this chair for some reasons I can’t hardly get up.
Hopefully, in my lengthier blog later I’ll discussed about my genetic bone disorder for the benefit of those people who by chance bumps on my blog and somehow I’m able to pass some sort of awareness. The heck with it! You don’t know how close I am to leaving this “blog” which became a part of my lifeline in the past couple of years.
Yeah, I did pour my heart into this like I said my lifeline and my rear-view mirror to the world to write my suppressed thoughts as much I would like to tell people.
Well, I’m very eager to update this regularly. I’ve been thinking about joining in a blog group called “Blogging against Disablism” on May 1st 2009 as a campaign on awareness where we have to write our own life story, struggles and challenges living as a disabled person.
I hope I’m able to come up here and write about it. I’ve been blogging for almost four years now and I never joined in any groups of bloggers online, feels like it’s going to be something new to me for sure. Right now, I went back to Squidooing again. I notice that I had a lot of WIP’s lens on my dashboard in the past couple of months. I tried to focus on writing reviews, music, and food lens which I mostly know how.
I don’t know. I got so many plans in my head but due to lack of eagerness in my part it didn’t push through. I guess, that’s the way it is. We sometimes have to go on the flow. Just let it be.
Anyway, more randomize rants. The two pups (Ella and Dalgoon... I know, weird names for a dog) are given away for adoption today. They are given to our close relatives. Oh, yeah... I’m quite sad for being with them for quite some months now. Oh my, my mom’s babies. We have no choice but to let go of them. How can it that be??? The laptop I’m purchased doesn’t arrive yet! How frustrating!
They said, it gets tougher more and more everyday but that’s what it keep us going.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Change of season
Fancy meeting y'all in this bubble we called the "Blogosphere".
Once again, you caught me off guard these past few days. I can hardly get everything started.
I guess, I'm pretty much distracted by so many issues on the run unintentionally.
Anyway, I'm still sitting here on the couch next to my dog and a cat typing all my guts and never been on a long vacation as if I have a choice.
The summer is slowly fading away as the anticipation of rain coming every afternoon.
Somehow, it reminds me how time and the years can easily escape into your hands like a gravel of sand. I think that's the way it is. Things are always go into some sort of a cycle, it never cease. In one blink of an eye, you'll found yourself into another season in a year.
Whether we like it or not, for the most part of what we are today are made of those years. But we cannot stay being the person we used to be. People would say you have to grow and find your place in the sun as if it’s all that matters in this lifetime.
Well, they can say whatever they want. Criticize you to the extreme. How often those who tried to please people mostly live a meaningless life. Hold on to your dream.
Never regret the past only the wasted years.
Once again, you caught me off guard these past few days. I can hardly get everything started.
I guess, I'm pretty much distracted by so many issues on the run unintentionally.
Anyway, I'm still sitting here on the couch next to my dog and a cat typing all my guts and never been on a long vacation as if I have a choice.
The summer is slowly fading away as the anticipation of rain coming every afternoon.
Somehow, it reminds me how time and the years can easily escape into your hands like a gravel of sand. I think that's the way it is. Things are always go into some sort of a cycle, it never cease. In one blink of an eye, you'll found yourself into another season in a year.
Whether we like it or not, for the most part of what we are today are made of those years. But we cannot stay being the person we used to be. People would say you have to grow and find your place in the sun as if it’s all that matters in this lifetime.
Well, they can say whatever they want. Criticize you to the extreme. How often those who tried to please people mostly live a meaningless life. Hold on to your dream.
Never regret the past only the wasted years.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
When social norms is too much to bear
Sometimes, we cared too much on what people may think about on us the way we manage our thoughts as if there’s no room for improvement. It’s not that I care less to the norms of the truth I’ve always believing in. I don’t know. Anyway, it’s not something to bugged me that I owe everybody an explanation for things that is happening beyond or not beyond my will as for the moment no matter what it is.
After all this is still my life and I’m sticking to it. Now I know now why people tend to escape “social norms” as if it sucked up everything in your potential for the most part we all do deserve to achieve that level of growth within and out of ourselves as long as it doesn’t compromise the welfare of the others.
It is so many times I’ve heard them say, “Think outside the box, you’ll never know what it is in there maybe endless possibilities.” Don’t let anyone mold you for who you are not. For the moment you let them, they might take away the life in you. Who would want to be a walking doll that is forever dependent to his masters? Even if you are un-capable of doing things your own, you are still a valuable weak vessel in the eyes of Jehovah. Even God himself would want us to see things on our own balancing whether if behind all the darkness there’s still beauty that lays on every deceptive part. He never ever dictates. I tried to believe so that we all do have our own stories to tell, things to shout-out into the world even though we are not sure how. In my case, I did try writing my thoughts in a blog like this or any topic close my heart on the things I loved to do. Though I’m not still the grandest with all this things at the end of the day it’s a great feeling that before you go to sleep you have something to share to the rest of the world whether they will read it or not. It doesn’t matter. Leave an impact. Make a difference. Be the change you want to see to the world. Most of all be you, not anyone else.
This is all I can say I’m not perfect and you are not perfect either. We are both having these same genes and shared our strengths and weakness. It’s really up to us on how we will let ourselves be molded by the good and the bad this system has to offer. You know what I did? I’m not also picking up all the good things but also the bad things in a sense that it serves me a lesson. It’s not that I’m repeating my bad choices its how we manage to pick out the positive out from the negative. Somehow, I know the real world is very much different how they will treat me if I am also able-bodied like them. I can almost imagine the difference but sometimes I imagine myself being normal working in a much different office unlike what I do at home well not thinking about the pressure everyday but still have a lot of difference. I don’t know. Sometimes, you just can’t stop thinking if things will be different. Have you?
Anyway, I just said that. That doesn’t mean a sour note to end this entry. It’s just a part of what I call “a day in the life” for me. It isn’t that grand or something. Or even my words is too plain for you but it’s worthwhile when someone wasting time with me. Tomorrow will be a different case.
After all this is still my life and I’m sticking to it. Now I know now why people tend to escape “social norms” as if it sucked up everything in your potential for the most part we all do deserve to achieve that level of growth within and out of ourselves as long as it doesn’t compromise the welfare of the others.
It is so many times I’ve heard them say, “Think outside the box, you’ll never know what it is in there maybe endless possibilities.” Don’t let anyone mold you for who you are not. For the moment you let them, they might take away the life in you. Who would want to be a walking doll that is forever dependent to his masters? Even if you are un-capable of doing things your own, you are still a valuable weak vessel in the eyes of Jehovah. Even God himself would want us to see things on our own balancing whether if behind all the darkness there’s still beauty that lays on every deceptive part. He never ever dictates. I tried to believe so that we all do have our own stories to tell, things to shout-out into the world even though we are not sure how. In my case, I did try writing my thoughts in a blog like this or any topic close my heart on the things I loved to do. Though I’m not still the grandest with all this things at the end of the day it’s a great feeling that before you go to sleep you have something to share to the rest of the world whether they will read it or not. It doesn’t matter. Leave an impact. Make a difference. Be the change you want to see to the world. Most of all be you, not anyone else.
This is all I can say I’m not perfect and you are not perfect either. We are both having these same genes and shared our strengths and weakness. It’s really up to us on how we will let ourselves be molded by the good and the bad this system has to offer. You know what I did? I’m not also picking up all the good things but also the bad things in a sense that it serves me a lesson. It’s not that I’m repeating my bad choices its how we manage to pick out the positive out from the negative. Somehow, I know the real world is very much different how they will treat me if I am also able-bodied like them. I can almost imagine the difference but sometimes I imagine myself being normal working in a much different office unlike what I do at home well not thinking about the pressure everyday but still have a lot of difference. I don’t know. Sometimes, you just can’t stop thinking if things will be different. Have you?
Anyway, I just said that. That doesn’t mean a sour note to end this entry. It’s just a part of what I call “a day in the life” for me. It isn’t that grand or something. Or even my words is too plain for you but it’s worthwhile when someone wasting time with me. Tomorrow will be a different case.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Sometimes you can't make it on your own...
As it turned out I never thought it would take me off some time to be able to get back on here again. So many things going on at this time of the year that some of us might be doing at some point. There, as I expected my laptop broke at the most unexpected time. Anyway, it is eventually giving up for it does give me a hard time using it! How frustrating!
Thanks to the ever generous younger sister for letting me do some updates from time to time. I really don't know if I can't stand a week without checking online. I'm on the process of waiting for the new replacement I've purchased on ebay. I really didn't get it. How come they keep me waiting for almost 3 weeks now. I don't know. The seller told me it usually would take some more weeks for it to arrive. Well, that is how their system works. And it leaves everything on my part pending even the work online. But still I'm keeping my days more productive on more greater things to do.
Of course, how can I forgot how special this month is. Yesterday is our Memorial Day. I'm surprised how the numbers of people attending this year increased compare to the other years. Just in our congregation, the attendance is about 455. I'm just glad to be part of those numbers who hadn't forgotten how much important it is that Jesus' sacrifice as well as the bigger sacrifice our father Jehovah did for the most of us individually. It just left me a feeling of... I don't know. It's not something to be sad for or anything. It's just that times are changing. Everything changed. I'm not gonna write more about it. Maybe in some other time of my posts. I really do have such a limited time here. But for the benefit of some spiritual friends I just want to let you know that I'm doing good not better not that worse. That is something to be thankful for no matter what. I'm trying my best and I know we all do in this system to do our best for Jehovah, no one else.
Also, it means that no new picture still to posts. I know, I've got a lot of catching up to do mostly here and there. We will see. We still have a lot of time. Make the most of it. That's only the best thing that we can do. Keep on the fine fight while the prize is on like they say.
Thanks for wasting time with me!
Thanks to the ever generous younger sister for letting me do some updates from time to time. I really don't know if I can't stand a week without checking online. I'm on the process of waiting for the new replacement I've purchased on ebay. I really didn't get it. How come they keep me waiting for almost 3 weeks now. I don't know. The seller told me it usually would take some more weeks for it to arrive. Well, that is how their system works. And it leaves everything on my part pending even the work online. But still I'm keeping my days more productive on more greater things to do.
Of course, how can I forgot how special this month is. Yesterday is our Memorial Day. I'm surprised how the numbers of people attending this year increased compare to the other years. Just in our congregation, the attendance is about 455. I'm just glad to be part of those numbers who hadn't forgotten how much important it is that Jesus' sacrifice as well as the bigger sacrifice our father Jehovah did for the most of us individually. It just left me a feeling of... I don't know. It's not something to be sad for or anything. It's just that times are changing. Everything changed. I'm not gonna write more about it. Maybe in some other time of my posts. I really do have such a limited time here. But for the benefit of some spiritual friends I just want to let you know that I'm doing good not better not that worse. That is something to be thankful for no matter what. I'm trying my best and I know we all do in this system to do our best for Jehovah, no one else.
Also, it means that no new picture still to posts. I know, I've got a lot of catching up to do mostly here and there. We will see. We still have a lot of time. Make the most of it. That's only the best thing that we can do. Keep on the fine fight while the prize is on like they say.
Thanks for wasting time with me!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Not still moving along
All gone by so fast inevitably. I really didn't know it would took me off some time to be able to get back in writing online in all sorts. Weeks, weeks, weeks and weeks past I'm feeling unproductive due to all the pending stuff I've been working on.
But the good thing is that I manage to jot down scribble of thoughts on a piece of paper which most people taken for granted nowadays. I never thought how much I've been technologically dependent - one of my guilty pleasures!
The old Acer computer I'm using finally given up so I'm waiting for the replacement on the way which I didn't know it would take a bajillion of weeks of waiting. How frustrating!
I've been wanting to do much of my time to renew my working habits in a manner that it would serves me well in the end somehow. I was caught in a so-called rainy day blues financially which made my days out in the drain. It scares me to think how these unfathomable fear creep up on me in the normal days of the weeks.
How I wish my heart don't put too much emotion on me for thinking too much personal issues I've been confronted with. These emotional blockages taking its toll on me in my physical condition. I'm easily get tired than most of the usual days I've been hanging on. It is something I've been fighting on - not to be easily preoccupied by the things I'm not yet prepared to face.
Sometimes, there are some things I said that came out in the open which I really didn't mean to. It's hurting but once I had released it, it just keeps me feel better. No one has the right to shun me down from talking, from speaking what's on my mind and most of all to tell me what to feel. Once you been through all the hurt, that's the time you know how to react and stand for yourself no matter what people dictates you.
Have you heard how they say, it rains down-pour but I'm really trying to see much wider beyond my perspectives. It's hard to rely only on the things what you feel because sometimes it is the one will ruined you through destruction. I'm not scared of being left out with this burden which I have no choice but to carry as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
As for tonight, I will put an end to this by writing and maybe disregard it in the end sooner or later. I better refreshed all my thoughts and somehow I'll be able to write more positively.
But the good thing is that I manage to jot down scribble of thoughts on a piece of paper which most people taken for granted nowadays. I never thought how much I've been technologically dependent - one of my guilty pleasures!
The old Acer computer I'm using finally given up so I'm waiting for the replacement on the way which I didn't know it would take a bajillion of weeks of waiting. How frustrating!
I've been wanting to do much of my time to renew my working habits in a manner that it would serves me well in the end somehow. I was caught in a so-called rainy day blues financially which made my days out in the drain. It scares me to think how these unfathomable fear creep up on me in the normal days of the weeks.
How I wish my heart don't put too much emotion on me for thinking too much personal issues I've been confronted with. These emotional blockages taking its toll on me in my physical condition. I'm easily get tired than most of the usual days I've been hanging on. It is something I've been fighting on - not to be easily preoccupied by the things I'm not yet prepared to face.
Sometimes, there are some things I said that came out in the open which I really didn't mean to. It's hurting but once I had released it, it just keeps me feel better. No one has the right to shun me down from talking, from speaking what's on my mind and most of all to tell me what to feel. Once you been through all the hurt, that's the time you know how to react and stand for yourself no matter what people dictates you.
Have you heard how they say, it rains down-pour but I'm really trying to see much wider beyond my perspectives. It's hard to rely only on the things what you feel because sometimes it is the one will ruined you through destruction. I'm not scared of being left out with this burden which I have no choice but to carry as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
As for tonight, I will put an end to this by writing and maybe disregard it in the end sooner or later. I better refreshed all my thoughts and somehow I'll be able to write more positively.
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