Again, there goes in the left corner the same old fancy table cluttered with my hair dirt, cat's fur and a few book stacks waiting for me to read. This is exactly the same bubble where I used to spent all my waking hours desperately thinking how life passes swiftly to anyone but not me. If there's anything in the world that came to my realization right now is that 'life isn't fair after all'.
It's obviously stupid for me to ask questions on why can't I just be where I want to be and not feeling this certain limitation that I haven't felt for such a long time now. This is something I really tried to disregard without any doubt, a reality check I never dare to fathom. It stinks how I cannot possibly enjoy life to the fullest which is very much impossible to attain or somehow at least to break away from these barriers not just once a month of going outdoors. I miss attending regular college classes which I believe I could finish anytime whenever I want to but not now. Until someone good told me I better stick to my writing course because this is what gives me all the good fortune cookie. Sounds like a sweet tap in my back that finally I was born to do this or maybe not and there I was exposed to this online contributing business where you are commonly called 'SEO' in your own right. Basically, I could have done more if not because of this limitation which I kept on overcoming everyday not because of the limitation rather by the circumstances it brought along. Somehow, this is the same reason why I'm fond of cats which most normal people won't understand the sense of companionship and comfort they tend to show you. Just like I said before, I were going to do the same task mostly everyday like these stuff I might already went insane to death or else you'll find me talking to myself which I don't want to happen. In any case, I'll stay sick in a matter of days or two for too much tweaking or copy write myself. I know, it was absurd, depressing and a little bit of everything.
De-cluttering is one of the most everyday chores I am not enjoying the most too and I know you do. It's quite of a big deal for me to keep on going without the things I get used to well I should have included that in my resolution's list instead, I will tell you when I get there. It's just that the mind has a hard habit to break.
Last Thursday 04 Feb., I turned 24 somehow the age I dreadfully dreaded aside from being 25 next year. The world of adults are too much crap! They pretend to be grown-ups but they aren't grown up at all. One more thing you know that I came from a family who don't celebrate birthdays, Christmas or any festive pagan belief that contradicts the Bible so it was somehow a typical day. The dinner was awesome even though it was rush and everyone is cramming to cook because my nephew mostly kids of my cousin are hungry waiting. Well, what people don't know much about me is that I hate grand celebrations or even parties which seems to kinda like a attention-getter-seeker galore. But I appreciate all the warm wishes, kind thoughts and memories from everyone I happen to came across personally and online. You are all amazing. Well, as much I'm having less fun on being cranky and complaining whatever goes through me at the end day, suddenly it starting to fade. It must be because all these things makes me better in the end it gets me more closer to the kind of person I really want to be that is truly who I am. I can impatience at times sort of a snob at times but I can happily say that I am becoming good in handling emotions now especially the moods swings I experiencing mostly everyday. It is somehow part of what you call 'maturity' in the process that is very innate in us. The water that runs too deep finally it subsides to cool it down I was telling that to myself the other day. Well, let us take one step at a time. There's no need to rush.
Notice how I started off this entry quite contrasting. Sounds like I'm on a bad day so far not that close but I'm obviously stating how routine kind of life seems so monotonous at times and tires you down easily. And this is how sadly I manage to live my life on a day to day basis. Sometimes, I tried to stick on matter that we all do have a choice and if this day I chose to be happy because this is my choice nothing would stop me from being happy. The choices we make in life is somehow what defines us in one way or the other. And this is what I love about living this life.
It is raw, pure and simple ME.
My one simple wish is that to wake up someday in another city some sort of time traveling in the unknown that would be a great adventure. To be more realistic speaking in my own terms, I NEED A VACATION! Will someone booked me a flight anywhere away from home just for one day? Someone out there listening who will spare some of that wish I will be grateful. Yes, indeed. Okay. Silly me! This is what you get reading too much sci-fi out of this world this world novels where a genie meets aladin shouting ABRA-KADBRA!
On the other hand, I'm also back on reading a few new and old books from the cluttered book stacks in my desk to collect more thoughts and re-collects. The house is more like a dog and cat shelter nowadays I'm enjoying the company of these felines so hungry mouths to feed.
I'm almost up til this late and I'm ready to start a new week. Keeping my finger's cross for nothing but just a smooth sailing, not much stress-free week.
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