Lost in the World of Grown-Up-Wannabes

I hope my absence from blogging doesn't make you alarm or anything. No, I didn’t jump off a cliff or locked up myself (almost!) in a darkened room. Calm down. I’m just exaggerating things lately.

Have you ever been attached to anything or someone in your life and you cannot let go?

Yes, most of us did. As a matter of fact, we all do. Probably, one of the easiest questions everyone can relate. It's not that I lost today my "junk car" which I had since college - doesn't mean I'll be sorry for the rest of my life. I will always remember that morning and evening class that my body almost dropped off from tiredness and that car somehow serves all the comfort I can get. I remember those errands to one building to next feels like I'm always cramming for the time not to be late on the next class. Elevators are not being good to me as well because every time I walked in first all eyes on me as if I've done something wrong. But all is well now. That's just my memories of my school days - all the gains and pains of being a student.

Well, what happen happens. Anyway, there's no use in crying over spilled milk. I just don't have any means to decide for myself right now. I never own me. I was caught in a situation where my best is not good enough. I strive to the best of my abilities and even to the degree that I forgotten that this is only where I'll ever be. No better. No worse. It's really hard to keep up in the world of grown ups - where I'm surrounded by a lot of grown-up-wannabes. Most likely if my teachers in high school as well in college would know I write for a living they will surely said I'm making up all this crap. All my apologies for not being the soundest in mind today but it doesn't mean I nearly lost my sanity! Heaven forbid. Well, one of those rough days again. I've been caught off guard along the tides of so many issues and dilemmas I dare to leave at the back of my head. If only I can brushed it off and be gone by the wind forever; it's like waking up in the morning - the feeling when you open your eyes feels like nothing ever happens from the day after tomorrow. Not until you have eaten your breakfast and everything sinks in all the matters of the day. It's feels good waking up those mornings just knowing how on earth you still blessed with the gift of life amidst all the fuzz. So far, I didn't follow a time schedule these days I live one day at a time. Pretty much making the most of it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I don't know. I just turned twenty-three this month its somehow unnecessary to mention but I guess it sucks how I am starting to take things so seriously just like grown-up-wannabes do. I don't want to be like them. But I don't have no choice. Either I'll be keeping up or be lost in this battle of everything.