A lovely quote from Bob Marley

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. 

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. 

Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. 

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. 

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. 

You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” 

- Bob Marley

(Very inspirational. You're the man!) 

Here I am again?!

Finally, I'm back in my personal writing space.. I've been blog-less for quite some time now. I just don't know what to write anymore. Feels like nothing much new though as I turn around so many things has changed. Some for the better and some for worse but not really.

I'm just trying to exaggerate things as I have the tendency to think irrational. I am on my own sort of bubble at times where no one can comprehend. I'm pretty much weird, huh?!

Being the person that I am living one day at a time is never a big issue. I just go on with the day whatever goes through with it. Always expect the unexpected. A roller coaster ride of emotion seems also a struggle from day to day. I just don't let anyone ruin what I had started during that day no matter how good or bad it is.

Now as I am writing this the wifi is currently acting up its connection so I have to save it as a file so I won't start all over again.

There you go, these same old brand new issues more of like a quarter life crises in the making here, there and everywhere. Plus, online work is not working very well lately these past few months. I hope this storm will pass us through as I'm really trying my best to diversify and all that jazz but not an easy thing to do. It would take a lot of work. You have to stick to your goal and be consistent with it so that later on you will reap the fruits of your labor.

Giving up is never in my vocabulary, hopefully I won't eat the my word coming out of my big mouth. I also tried to do some art these days although I've never been the artsy fartsy person I'm telling you my passion and desire was there. I'm kidding about myself but it is true.

Yes, that's the wonders of self promotion right there. I'm hoping I can sustain in this business of kissing ass or should I say kicking ass.. This is nothing personal it is just a job that happens to be in the internet where I live and breathe in the past five years and it is going to be my sixth year this year. How time flies.

Well, I have no any other way. So I beg your pardon if it all sounds so plain and boring to you. This is my life so I'm living it and I've learned to deal with it. Oy!

20 Random Questions

What a yucky day.

These saga of maddening heat continues that will probably last until next month or so. I've never been anywhere these days aside from keeping myself busy with online class or work vice versa. Things are getting so redundant for me nowadays. Anyways, I happen to stole some random 20 Questions on someone else's blog. Are y'all ready?

1) Name 5 things you don't care about.

First of all, other people's crap sometimes it's much better not to care too much at all. Second, having an Instagram account or an Android phone. Third, not going on vacation anywhere. Fourth, being underestimated by certain people in my life. Lastly, being left alone at home with my four cats.

2) I wish I could stop:

This scorching heat that becoming so unbearable these days. I feel so sweaty all over my face. I just hate working online in this warm weather.

3) What is your favorite kind of peanut butter?

I always love the crunchy one.

4) Pick a color that best represents your mood today.

I'm loving the color blue right now as I'm craving for something cool in the ambiance these days.

5) Look to your right. What is the first thing you see?

The television set.

6) Who was the last person to send you a letter in the mail?

Online school.

7) What did you order the last time you went out to eat?

Halo Halo, a Filipino cold dessert. I really love it!

8) How good are you at delaying gratification?

Moderately. Although sometimes I can't resist something good especially when it comes to food.

9) What is your favorite "fair food"?

Ice Cream! Buco salad flavored.

10) What was the last thing you baked?

I don't know how to baked. Sorry.

11) Are you a good speller?

Yes, it is something I'm really good at. I'm a spelling freak ever since.

12) When was the last time you went sledding?

I've never been. I live in a tropical country so didn't get the chance to sled in the snow.

13) How many times have you been called for jury duty?

Never. I'm a good girl.

14) Scrubs, ER or Grey's Anatomy?

I'm a big fan of ER but didn't catch up its whole episode per season. As well as Grey's Anatomy, I'm a super big fan because of McDreamy and Meredith Grey.

15) What do you try to stay away from?

Noisy and cynical people.

16) What is your favorite magazine?

Reader's Digest is one of my favorite magazine since I was a kid so I collect a few copies.

17) Do you set your alarm clock on the weekend?

No, I just go on with what anything goes on through the day. That's the perks of living one day at a time.

18) When you attend a wedding do you tend to give cash or buy something off the registry?

Well, I try to give something memorable but cash is still practical.

19) Have you ever shot a bow and arrow?

Nope. I'm not an athletic person.

20) What did you last receive in the mail?

Study materials for online class.

Maddening heat, blah blah!

It's the time in the year again where scorching heat is so visible no matter what you do. Well, I live in a tropical country so the summer weather is pretty much we have here lately.

Although I prefer a bit of rainy days that is when I can just be carefree and going on with the day. I'm missing the beach and all the fun it brings when I get totally burn out with the city life. I tired of my everyday routine. Online class. Online writing jobs. Me catching up my favorites shows. Pretty much with the same old brand new monotonous everyday itinerary.

Just don't get me wrong. But that is what it is.

To be continued...

Pebrero

And just as that here comes the romantic month of February.

Did I say romantic because this is probably the most anticipated month of the year for all the lovers.  No, I won't talk about that. Or my much anticipated return of the season 3 of the The Walking Dead. Oh yeah. The heck with it this will mean another year older of me. I'm hitting the famous 27 club stigma though thankfully I'm still alive. But don't get me wrong I have so many things to be thankful for in this life.

How I was I can't be this overly dramatic all the time. So what is this a post turning twenty seven rants or should I say wishes.

I've been busy for quite some time now which I really do love and enjoyed alternating all these boring routines day after day. I keep myself on studying, taking up online courses, working on my content pages or do a little affiliate marketing here and there. How I wish I could have a little time for myself to unwind and explore the carefree outdoors. But it is always not my thing. I feel like I've been stuck here forever while everyone seems having the time of the their life here I am pondering how life can be so unfair and full of limitation. The same old story all over again. How about me at one time be limitless. No hold barred for the things I really want to do and hoping and wishing for.

Aw, I really want to travel the world someday. Maybe save up a couple of bucks that can cover up until my dying day. Build a tree house. Write a novel.

Wow. There's just a bunch to do. I really need to work hard on it.

I better start right now.

Namaste. I will write more soon.

Currents

date: 11/05/2012

location:     obviously at home
eating:        Tuyo (dried fish) on top of a warm rice
drinking:     plenty of COFFEE and a glass of iced water
enjoying:    distance learning, blogging stuff, writing on Wizzley, HubPages and Squidoo
listening:     a random playlist from Linkin Park, OPM (Original Pinoy Music) to Tori Amos
wishing:      the major renovation of the house continues and be able pay the remaining mortgage.
thinking:     of sleeping earlier than 12MN or maybe not.. It depends.
making:      a mountains out of a mole hill.. just kidding! Working on my newest lens, hubs or wizz..
                   or else finish all my Math exercises.. I hate Math.
feeling:       sick of PMS, sleepy, sad, nostalgic pretty much lately.. kinda tired too.
loving:        watching my cats and dogs sleep beside me in the couch while blogging.

Never been anywhere

I'm trying to rekindle the moment where blogging is the surest thing to me. I guess, I've been out of the loop lately to write how quirky the day was like for me or simply it just came by unnoticed. I don't know. So there you go a little bump in the road right there.

Though all I know is that where ever I look everything changes and that's a fact. It just sucks how these feeling continue to devour me after so many years like any normal human being. It's not that I hate my life right now the thought that I could've done better still lingers at the back of head right now. At the end of the day, it only boils down how much you are willing to hope against hope thinking you did your best that you can do.

After almost 5 years of blogging and sharing all my thoughts into this platform, I'm still going no where. Still kept on sitting, waiting, wishing...

Thoughts in a Song.

 

I'm feeling a bit Adele fever right there. 

Somniphobia

More often than not, I should’ve known that there’s a fine line between sleep deprivation and the phobia of not able to wake up before you can even sleep.

Pretty much I tend to over psyche myself in the run of days after days, weeks and after weeks and months and after months. I know this should not be the case. Feels like I’m tied up somewhere literally in this chair with all these thinking thoughts seems to haunt me in every single time of the day. Sounds like a creepy me but that is what it is.

This time of the year I’m working on setting goals for me towards life general so I admit it really was a terrible mistake sometimes you can’t hold on the things that your heart is longing for in life in general like in secular work even if you worked really hard for it in either way it could make or break you. Worst of all, it can applied for people too. People are people. Sometimes, things don’t work out.

All throughout the day is what a struggle. I’m struggling to cope with little distractions and anxieties coming my way to focus on the brighter side of life, the simple pleasures that can easily make me smile and knowing that I can still have the chance to wake up another day seeing my Mom being there by my side.

When I was asked about finding the greener pasture, all that came to my mind is that there’s no greater greener pasture other than being with someone (not always applied in a romantic way!) who gave up something in their life just to be with you. This could be a parent, a family member or one particular person you owe a lot to be the person you are now. This is what this limitation brought me to thinking not to take anyone for granted for life is so fragile and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life I haven’t done anything at least to appreciate and bring back to Jehovah all the gratitude that this life has to offer. His immense understanding for all the things that concerns me is somehow comforts me when the battle becomes too weary. I know every battle is not ours only to bear for without HIM we are nothing. No one can stand. We are a mile far from perfection not even this system.

Psalm 139: 23-24:

Search through me, O God and know my heart
examine me and know my disquieting thoughts

And see whether there is in me any painful way
and lead me in the way of time indefinite.

So to end this on a positive, if thinking thoughts is what keeps me sane in this cynical world so be it. At least for now that is all I can do and let me write all this stuff until everything clears.

Making a Mountain Out of Mole Hill

This is probably my 83th posts ever in this free platform of blogs that blogger has to offer. Do I make sense? I admit. I’ve never been a persistent, objective, resourceful, incredible (and all the goody adjectives that you can think of) characteristics of a blogger which I’m really sorry and regret by the way. Yes, time flies swiftly! It was four year past since I first wrote here a few ramblings, mad rants and anything goes through me at the end of the day. It was plainly out of my necessity to come up with something where I can voice out all the angst, odd stories and bad hair days away from the eyes of my many judgmental critics. So far, I’m glad that I did make my fair share of crap published in the internet. Can anyone estimate the volumes of crappy-ness ever published in the internet? I wonder, do they ever think of creating a software to filter all the crappy-ness ever existed in the internet. For sure, Google won’t be surprise and it has an enough volumes of that to be indexed in algorithms. Please don’t sue me I’m pretty sure we’re all guilty of that.

It’s just that I’m such a sloth of posting entries nowadays. Surprisingly, I was running out of awesome-ness to tell about how it was like to be in the day of a life of me?! I’m still wearing the same clothes and still waking up to be the same person nothing much new really. I’m still sleeping in the same couch bed next to a nifty computer waiting to formulate new ideas pretty much a bunch of crap which I surprisingly I can go on make a living I guess in the span of 5 years or more (if I’m still alive) still got all the rubbish published and being indexed by Google. That would be an enough reason for me to celebrate the life I had in the internet. I didn’t wished to be a sensation or anything but we all do have our own share of freedom so let me used it the way I’d like to. I guess, this is the price I have to pay for too much information.

At times I’ve been wrongly accuse of complaining about life and all that jazz but the truth is that I pretty much well adjusted to the routines though it’s tough doing work which no one can ever understand except those trying to make a living out of something like I do. Yes, I love exaggerating things to the extent that life is not meant to live to be boring…

The Best Things in Life are FREE

It’s a way past the new years where everyone gets giddy and I’m supposed to compose something to stop myself from bothering whatsoever. Then I thought I better not make a resolution this time around feels like every day for me becomes a major resolution for all the things I’m wishing for, worked for, hoped for and ever cared for. Pretty much an emotional roller coaster ride, mishaps adventures and blessings in disguise all rolled into one rocked my 2010. Though the best way to end it is by counting down the things I’ve always been grateful for because it is what makes the person I am today so far the better version of me. As much as I’ve never mentioned before that I eventually learned to appreciate the little things in life like what they say, the best things in life are free.

It’s never too late to learn the art of forgiving yourself, laughing at yourself and for having that tolerance in dealing with people no matter what they would cast on you. It’s always been nice to be a hopeful dreamer even if things won’t go your way there will always a plenty of room for improvement. Just know your passion and that you are born for a certain purpose whether you know it or not right away eventually things will reveal in God’s time. Life is never meant to be a smooth sailing journey but roads that are full of dirt, rocks and narrow roads that are sometimes cold and dark outside. That is when you have to muster up, find the courage and trust the guts you have inside that you can carry on. Yes, definitely it’s a tough road but once you cross the line and find your place into sun that is when you will become alive. It’s not that I’ve been dead for many years ago but as the years past and as you become years older and wiser, you will just know what I am talking about, I bet you!

Just go for it! Strike while the iron is hot…

Remember no disability and rejection can ever stop you from reaching your goals and hone your craft in the best way you can do who knows it could be the next bestselling masterpiece in the making. Though I’ve been there that road before, I was broke and about to close the doors towards myself and in everything that came in my life whether that can help me to cope with the disability nor contribute in my growth as an individual. Now I just feel blessed to be surrounded by an awesome support group ever in my life and having to know that Jehovah exists that we are just a piece of clay that is needed to be molded by HIM. This time I don’t have to question. This time I don’t want to ask. This time I understand.

I guess, that’s the way it is everything comes in a perfect timing and the best thing in living this life is that we always have an option and choices to make. When one door closes in one way or another door will definitely opens you’ll never know there’s always an endless possibility.

This time let me stick to my goals first and let’s see what happens next…

I'm back from a long Blogging Hiatus

Finally I'm back from quite a few months of blogging hiatus though still keeping myself busy in creating lenses and hubs most of the time. So keeping this entry brief so there..

Sadness, the real deal..

Sadness begets sadness.

Still struck with the happenings of the day pretty much on an emotional level of attachment when you are kid you tend to linger for something so precious like a pet that you can’t hold on onto even for a minute. Though not a kid anymore just a 24 year old kid that is! Just the thought of it left me totally feeling exhausted being the most emotional person that I am, I’m sure you can just imagine the throw of emotion I can show you.

I just know when something is wrong with me when I tend to act the opposite and verge on the hype of everything I do while coping up in a certain situation. Have you ever had of those episodes as a defense mechanism? Instead of focusing on the negative facets of life, you tend to see things in a different perspective and in a much brighter light that somehow everything happens for a reason crap mentality. It surge you to accept the level of reality that, No, there’s got to be a way better than this or else I have no choice. That’s why some turn into food or anything that can lead you out into that deep, dark room of depression eventually piling up on your way before you even discover, you are waiting to explode.

Having said that, it’s all some kind of observation when the going gets tough, the tough gets going in real life which can be draining at times. It sucks the life in you. Pretty much the life I tried to live in right now. So far, I don’t have the right complain for the thing I can do and cannot do for it pushes me to strive for more and hunger for that deprivation whatever it is. Though in some cases, I try not to focus on the things that can shake my faith as a person as long I still have the people who are also with me at my worst and at my best most especially I’m pretty much okay on that.

I believe that you don’t need to rush things to get hold the goal you are anticipating for as long as you work harder on your craft no one has the right to question your ability as you serve it right. Now I’m trying to focus on the more free-spirited me which I need to contemplate on that surreal level of myself in the near future.

You can never be the person you ought to be in a matter of minutes or days; well it takes time to get used to yourself for whatever you want to do. But the toughest game to do is to know exactly what you wanted to do. It sounds like the much complicated me but the thought of typing those words is what I really mean to say. It’s hard to do when you don’t know what’s in there and what you wanted to do.

Well, that is very me in the past few years of verging and searching thoroughly the purpose why I’m still here and what can I do to make a difference to the people that surrounds even for my own little way. Though still didn’t did much in this life but somehow I’d learned something to be matured enough to say that we should know our goal, our purpose and find a way to act on it. Though there’s still people who are very much widely awake but don’t even opening up their senses that they need to be responsible on their actions no matter what it is. I’m quite puzzled how they seem to wake every morning, go to work and do their job but the real passion is not there and they can even hurt you until you can never be the same again…

With my Martini at home

PS: RIP Martini & One Eye. I'll sorely miss you both...

random rants about being 24

So after some merrymaking days I came back to my old self again. I was selfishly keeping all the thoughts to my self as if my life ever mattered to the world of blogosphere. I just don't know what to say anymore. Or it's just the right way silently for me to put it.


Again, there goes in the left corner the same old fancy table cluttered with my hair dirt, cat's fur and a few book stacks waiting for me to read. This is exactly the same bubble where I used to spent all my waking hours desperately thinking how life passes swiftly to anyone but not me. If there's anything in the world that came to my realization right now is that 'life isn't fair after all'.

It's obviously stupid for me to ask questions on why can't I just be where I want to be and not feeling this certain limitation that I haven't felt for such a long time now. This is something I really tried to disregard without any doubt, a reality check I never dare to fathom. It stinks how I cannot possibly enjoy life to the fullest which is very much impossible to attain or somehow at least to break away from these barriers not just once a month of going outdoors. I miss attending regular college classes which I believe I could finish anytime whenever I want to but not now. Until someone good told me I better stick to my writing course because this is what gives me all the good fortune cookie. Sounds like a sweet tap in my back that finally I was born to do this or maybe not and there I was exposed to this online contributing business where you are commonly called 'SEO' in your own right. Basically, I could have done more if not because of this limitation which I kept on overcoming everyday not because of the limitation rather by the circumstances it brought along. Somehow, this is the same reason why I'm fond of cats which most normal people won't understand the sense of companionship and comfort they tend to show you. Just like I said before, I were going to do the same task mostly everyday like these stuff I might already went insane to death or else you'll find me talking to myself which I don't want to happen. In any case, I'll stay sick in a matter of days or two for too much tweaking or copy write myself. I know, it was absurd, depressing and a little bit of everything.

De-cluttering is one of the most everyday chores I am not enjoying the most too and I know you do. It's quite of a big deal for me to keep on going without the things I get used to well I should have included that in my resolution's list instead, I will tell you when I get there. It's just that the mind has a hard habit to break.

Last Thursday 04 Feb., I turned 24 somehow the age I dreadfully dreaded aside from being 25 next year. The world of adults are too much crap! They pretend to be grown-ups but they aren't grown up at all. One more thing you know that I came from a family who don't celebrate birthdays, Christmas or any festive pagan belief that contradicts the Bible so it was somehow a typical day. The dinner was awesome even though it was rush and everyone is cramming to cook because my nephew mostly kids of my cousin are hungry waiting. Well, what people don't know much about me is that I hate grand celebrations or even parties which seems to kinda like a attention-getter-seeker galore. But I appreciate all the warm wishes, kind thoughts and memories from everyone I happen to came across personally and online. You are all amazing. Well, as much I'm having less fun on being cranky and complaining whatever goes through me at the end day, suddenly it starting to fade. It must be because all these things makes me better in the end it gets me more closer to the kind of person I really want to be that is truly who I am. I can impatience at times sort of a snob at times but I can happily say that I am becoming good in handling emotions now especially the moods swings I experiencing mostly everyday. It is somehow part of what you call 'maturity' in the process that is very innate in us. The water that runs too deep finally it subsides to cool it down I was telling that to myself the other day. Well, let us take one step at a time. There's no need to rush.

Notice how I started off this entry quite contrasting. Sounds like I'm on a bad day so far not that close but I'm obviously stating how routine kind of life seems so monotonous at times and tires you down easily. And this is how sadly I manage to live my life on a day to day basis. Sometimes, I tried to stick on matter that we all do have a choice and if this day I chose to be happy because this is my choice nothing would stop me from being happy. The choices we make in life is somehow what defines us in one way or the other. And this is what I love about living this life.

It is raw, pure and simple ME.

My one simple wish is that to wake up someday in another city some sort of time traveling in the unknown that would be a great adventure. To be more realistic speaking in my own terms, I NEED A VACATION! Will someone booked me a flight anywhere away from home just for one day? Someone out there listening who will spare some of that wish I will be grateful. Yes, indeed. Okay. Silly me! This is what you get reading too much sci-fi out of this world this world novels where a genie meets aladin shouting ABRA-KADBRA!

On the other hand, I'm also back on reading a few new and old books from the cluttered book stacks in my desk to collect more thoughts and re-collects. The house is more like a dog and cat shelter nowadays I'm enjoying the company of these felines so hungry mouths to feed.

I'm almost up til this late and I'm ready to start a new week. Keeping my finger's cross for nothing but just a smooth sailing, not much stress-free week.

Reflections of 2009

As majority of you might already done planning out your 2010 to-do list added some unresolved resolutions for the whole year round, I was thinking of boycotting the things I was expected to do or maybe not.



I felt so uncertain these days if I ever wanted a resolution in the first place. More often it came out as self-agreement of the things you wanted to do but chances are circumstances failed you in one way or the other. I just can’t stand to be forever bugged myself about what must be, should be and would be expected of me. A snap back of reality that we must embrace life as it comes everyday as a gift and better make the most of it.

Now we are entering into greater heights, a new century indeed as they say. Eventually because of all the things that went through the past year it made us into a better person than we are before. There are lessons learned, unfinished business, failed relationships, loss of a loved one, un-mend broken hearts, irreparable grudges and differences and the list goes on.. I must tell you it was never sound as easy listing on as all the memories as it brings all back to life. Picture yourself, into the depth of the situation feels like it’s the point of no return as it sucks all the life in you and the easiest escape you can ever found knowing to yourself that this too shall pass. I call it “madness”.

I guess, the madness is still there. It clings and it subsides. Though I am not complaining because it is what makes me more grateful to where I am now and to the amazing Mom who knew how to fight for her right and her children amidst chaos having a dysfunctional family. It was never her fault even though she shared her own shortcomings as well. I witness the sleepless nights dreading herself on what exactly went wrong in a relationship she’d given all her best. Our story might be a typical lonesome one but since it is my blog I have all the right to blog about it. Call it venting, a lame excuse, or another depressing entry again from me although it is a new year. So what?



Having your voice heard is what I got from her. We share the same passion to fight what is right even though it often leads us into a compromising situation. It felt good to see how we brave all the storms together to the pursuance of my education up to the chances of finding the right treatment and medication of this rare genetic bone disease. Pretty much my life depends on to those people who know how to cherish and treasured me as a person in my own little ways. Before I didn’t get the idea of why I am becoming so dependent a lot of times and why can’t I do some stuff on my own and be independent as much as I’d like to. I was bitter. I was helpless as I can ever be. I was basically the most pathetic person you’ll ever know on earth.

It’s not that I don’t dare to be open, it’s just that things doesn’t properly sink into me that sometimes life throws us anything. It can hit you real hard maybe throw you under the bus but it doesn’t mean you have to be stuck and be stranded in your so-called “madness”. I realized as they say, “No man is an island”. We depend on each other people in a good way. That is why I wouldn’t close my door in anything like new ideas for a new project, interacting to people, or maybe be more approachable this time. I don’t know. Most of the time, I lack the courage to be myself and I’m just so hard to deal with..

On the spiritual side, I must say having to know the TRUTH gave me the confidence to face whatever goes through the day and somehow keeping me grounded whenever I lost the sense of ability to discern the difference between love and hatred, fairness and equality, good and evil, finding good things in the hearts of people I came across. I was a social snob and prefer to work on my conversations in a written word rather than shout it all out. Though I totally admit I am not perfect I often can easily get irritated by petty things that doesn’t deserve to be. Anyway, it is not to be mentioned here. As I am reflecting after being 8 years in the truth, the more you draw yourself closer to Jehovah the enemies will make everything harder for you even though it varies from one struggle to the other. I felt being matured spiritually is not measured on how you are being nice to every single person you meet or how many hours you do in the ministry but on how you practice what you preach. I guess, that is the hardest part I ever did in the last year, well mostly every day. We need long suffering even harder today more than ever. But only Jehovah does see our hearts and knows all our intentions and it just melts my heart on how HE never fails us. I guess, that is the faith that moved my life to make me win every day life’s battle. Let’s keep ourselves be enlighten by the amazing God’s word. It is a refuge we can ever grasp and somehow it will straighten your path.

And for all the joy, disappointments, heartaches, grudges, hatred, appreciation, love and friendships and all of the above happened last year and those that are not needed to be mentioned here somehow let’s charge everything to experience.



Don’t cringe! I’m still the average everyday sane psycho you’ll ever think of and to those who knew me personally just meet me halfway!

My Yearly Tweet Cloud says,

I sleep. I tweet. I woke. I tweet.

I really can't imagine myself for not tweeting in a day. Well, some tweets are worthy to say which probably I couldn't have the courage to say in person and there are some that are needless and regrettable.

I'm totally amaze how everyone is one tweet away nowadays.

My Top Three Tweet Words: thanks, squidoo, time

So to all those amazing people I stumbled upon through my blogs, twitter, Squidoo lenses, FB.. You know who you are..

Thank you so much for rockin' my 2009!

A Sunday Slumber

Ideas don't come easy nowadays. I pretty much jump on the conclusion that perhaps I need more time on contemplating more on things about life in general (as if I ever did something to astound you!) like the soundest of mind of a 12 year old do, maybe lower than that. I just love to stay on that level of innocence where everything is carefree. I don't know. Life seems so simple and yet you wonder what if things be like for you after 5 years or even 10 years of your existence. Likewise, you don't even have to deal with all the craziness of having your mind preoccupied whether negative or positive thoughts. How I wish more positive thoughts only.

I miss those plastic glasses!

"Listen; there's a hell of a good universe next door, let's go.
-e.e. cummings

Little Distractions

I tried to believe that today is much better than yesterday and it feels right...


Last night I found myself into a total exhaustion that I can't do nothing but to fell asleep in a much earlier time than I used to. I usually stay awake late hours after a couple hours of nap time to work on some new lens topic to prevent me from a bad case of procrastination. It is indeed a hard habit to break when it feels like I'm always caught off guard of what to write about in a days I badly needed it.

Anyway, I'm taking all the time I have here to be more productive hoping things will eventually put into place. I guess, that's just the way things are sometimes. The more it came unplanned the more it ease us up that it is going to be great amidst all the chaos of how it came to be. The same way how we came to be in this life somehow at first things came unclear and unplanned and then later on we realize how we are being part of a majestic plan that we are in this earth to have something to live for just like a purpose of making a difference. It doesn't matter how or when it came to be but the important thing is how everything came to finish. As I rest all my thoughts on the road to positivity that nothing can take away my peace somehow it took some time for me to realize how little distractions can easily bugged the hell out of me. It is like a monster underneath my bed waiting for me knowing I can't run.. I can't back out.. I can't hide anywhere of my own ordeal.

Frustrating how I tend to overlook at myself in this kind of situation where mostly the feeling of could have been, would have been and should have been enters at the back of my head though I am still living my own life one day at a time. I still put on the same clothes, put on the same smile, put on the same beggar's determination; as a way to cope up with the disability I'm trying to live with everyday. Not quite sure why I said that I'm very much still a normal person inside, because I really do. I digress. More often so far I'm still blessed sitting here pouring down all my heart into something I really enjoyed most. Maybe if I am not disabled I won't be here to share a story. My kind of story.

Cycle of madness

It’s a fine Saturday evening but why am I feeling stressed out and feeling a little bit of everything?

I’m tired of this humungous feeling of tiredness streaming out of nowhere. Period.

That’s why suddenly I felt that my system doesn’t work on the way it should. My mind can’t easily digest concepts of information I’m opt to do in writing as well in my future online projects. I’ve been doing some inner reassessment of how I’m doing with my life and everything in it. I was raised as someone to be the believer of things that somehow things might come my way hopefully. It was the same trait that both my parents would love to see me as someone who puts everything unresolved in the hands of the Most High. I guess, I did what I did to be the best that I can ever be.



For the most part, finding your inner peace sometimes can be deceiving and it is something you own when you are little and all of a sudden you grew up someone stole it away from you. No matter what you do, you still need to earn it as something worth of the price you pay. It’s just sad how we abruptly succumb to the change in the circumstances as if we have no choice with no resolution or whatsoever until you will never be the same again.

I don’t know. It seems that within me there are still so many things I need to absorb to let go like the certain madness that comes and goes. Maybe it’s neither all just a bad case of PMS nor a mental block overdue towards exhaustion. It was given that I’ve never been a healthy kid when I was child nor even I was while growing up. Little distractions easily puts me down in a certain manner that I really tried to hold everything in like everyone else. I remember the old high school days when I was being underestimated as a person who doesn’t have high regards in the knowledge of Algebra and all the academic nine yards in Mathematics. They try to measure my abilities in numbers as if it’s all that means in the world. I remember myself sitting at the first row because allegedly being a disabled child I was the number one priority; but you are all wrong. I never asked or begged people for them to prioritize me in the first place. If they doesn’t like the way I carry myself it doesn’t matter if I’ll be left alone forever on my own. Likewise, I’ve never been a good competitor while pursuing my academic pursuits.

Thinking way back then, it’s probably the most boring phase of my life nothing else.
Like what I said, perhaps it is all part of a madness that I need to go through. So far, I’m already done with it. But another milestone I still need to carry on every day. Life is pretty much a cycle. A cycle that has a beginning and an end but it also leads you into a conclusion that whatever you are right now it doesn’t fine you at all as a person...

Having said that, I'm ready to retire to my bed and call this "A Day!"



Breathe.
When all else fails, just breathe.
Live life as it is your last day earth.

Are you looking forward to a HUMP Day?

It’s a HUMP DAY, everyone! Who cares anyway? I really don’t know what to expect whenever this time of the week arrives. For sure for some of us, our total redemption from work, from school or from whatever that maybe comes when Fridays is finally here. Agree or disagree?


Careful, don’t be too pretentious somewhere along the way your weekend plans might go sabotage. Let’s just let it all be. Take one day at a time. There’s nothing any better than that advice just see to it you have all the enough time in the world. Sounds like I’m really much more of a weekend person. I’m all for it as long as it doesn’t give me any pressures for over thinking. AHA!

[via ffffound!

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