Have you ever been HURT so bad?

I can't believe how much these level of hurt can make a great impact in my life. Have you ever been hurt so bad feels like you were living through hell all your life, a nightmare you kept on pinching yourself to be fully wide awake? I know we all do. Most of the time, we think to ourselves its better to run away from all of this mess.

A never ending battle I seem to fight with everyday wishing life will be fair somehow for me. I've been through a lot of ups and downs and a few bumps in the road but today was never like the day it was before. As it blocks out every positive in my system hoping somehow there is goodness among people. I should have known better how time flies, things change and people do change for the better and some even for the worse. I just can't stand the hypocrisy of some claiming they will stand behind you through the stormy times of your life but you always end up being alone.

Been tired of false hopes and irrepairable family relationships and individual differences that seems a never ending marathon of arguments and bad mouthing. I guess, it falls down to one thing: we can never be perfect neither do I am not perfect as we are all made of flaws and all. So don't try to look for perfection as for the moment you look upon it you'll end up in vain.

Never exaggerate your hope not until the specific things in your mind has finally materialize. It implies as well in dealing with people never lose hope but don't be too clingy for the memories are the only ones that stays. Be open with new ideas as well to criticisms that might can break or make your spirits at the end of the day. I know how much I wasn't aware to that until now and still struggling with how I am going to cope up whenever I'm down again to that darker road.

Now I'm writing all these things so that all the negatives will be erase and flew down somewhere I cannot go and to be at peace with myself knowing I didn't hurt anybody through these words. Sometimes, there are words that are better left unsaid. It does come so real to me. Someday, these things will be over and never an ounce of this hurt will ever hurt me again. It will surely does pass like a barred arrow which intentionally missed its target.

Hoping to write more positive thoughts next time.

To be continued..

Busy days.

Busy days are here. Seems like everyone has their own thing going on with their lives this time of the year.

Once again, I'm stuck from being SAD or what you may call it as Seasonal Affective Disorder though from time to time I tried to muster up everything in. I guess, it does happens to a lot of people lately. It usually come like some sort of an aftermath after a series unexpected events happens in your life from the past few years. Passing of a loved one. Disappointments and failures. Ir-repairable family ties. Sometimes, it comes into a long process of grieving and healing until everything subsides into acceptance. As for the most part, life is about kicking ass figuratively speaking. Yes, it does goes on as well.

But don't get wrong. I'm totally grateful for all the things I can do as of this very moment. It is something like a gift to be treasured as time goes by. I learned by through embracing all your imperfection there lies inner happiness that no one can take that away. It just so hard to live up to anyone's expectations and I'm not trying to.

So, where do these rants coming from?

Coming of age. Well, that's a different story.

For a pessimist I'm pretty much an optimistic.

This is probably the most laid back weekend I'd ever spent. 

More talk less confrontational arguments.

Pretty much the usual everyday musings here and there as my thoughts wandering where this year will going to lead me to. I guess, I'll just have let it go for now and sort it out or probably let everything go unplanned for the mean time and lift everything up to the hands of the Most High as it was supposed to be.

For the most part, it always seems that change is the only permanent thing in the world. I know at times I become so silly when it comes to talking about these facets of realities. And yet it does happens, mostly to people in general.

I therefore say that these bitter sweet  episodes of life's miseries are essential to make or break you and even mold you to be the person like you are today. I tried to believe that everything in life comes into a matter of phase per se which differs in its impact and there are those suddenly subsides as if nothing ever happens. Still, it's all become tolerable in the end no matter how you picture yourself in the verge of giving up on that particular time. It just comes like a sort of a madness.

I don't know if I consider it a blessing or curse. But for a pessimist I'm pretty much an optimistic that in the end we'll find our own place under the sun.

Finding our passion.

Living life for something to look forward to or being happy to our own sort of happiness not by others' standard.

I've been a little too hard on myself lately for not letting other people's constraint and opinion overshadowed the things I'd love to do and the things that I can only do. It is great at least for once in awhile to be conform in your own sort of comfort zone where your own potentials are possible.

Since this is my life I have all the right and free will to whom I will exert my precious time and effort and that is none other than to those I consider helpful to my growth and can see beauty even in the ugliest moments in life. I don't need those obnoxious critics who only want to be heard their side of the story and they are also those who will literally slap you in the face to make you feel how miserable your life is because you can't even afford to be in their shoes. Shame on you but to be blunt I can go on with my life without you all.

I just realize this life is not complicated after all. People do complicate things. Like I do complicate things that I should not bother myself with all these complications that life has to throw most of the time.

Now, I don't even know how to end this ramblings so let me say, let it be.

Missing in Action?

Since it has been the new year I just thought to make a little tweaks here and there. I've been missing in action for quite some time now. I'm too caught up with so many online projects as well with real life away from the blogosphere.

Gotta go and finish some writings. Enjoy the picture of my Jillian, one of the additional pups at home. They're growing up so fast. :)

When age is a dreadfully dreaded number

The trouble in listening to sappy love songs is that it makes you teary eyed, runny nose, and it can almost breaks you down all of a sudden with or without a definite reason into a series of emotional uphill climb.

Thanks to Steven Curtis Chapman’s I will be here then a quick switch to head banging sound of Kings of Leon – that is pretty much on my random boring playlist lately. I won’t mind. Good times.

Now the dreadfully dreaded day is here. I know, age is just a number.Well, it's a little too early anyways I rather post it or I may end up procrastinating later on. It’s not like a mid-quarter life crisis but you know the feeling when you reached that certain age you start to wonder and question yourself. What’s going on? Am I living it right? It’s just okay when you are just eighteen don’t worry I still live with my parents and you still have one year to go before you’re on your twenties. Then when you are on your twenties you have to endure the frustrations of finishing school and finding work and all other jazz.

As for me it’s a different case. It’s a life in between the trivial and the road less traveled by many.

If you haven’t realized I’ve been insane a very long time ago. I just manage to win back my composure after being hit by a couple of surgeries and anesthesia and pain relievers and maybe a couple of divine interventions.

Please give the credit to a lot of amazing people in my life online and offline who fought and brave all the storms of life with me when I felt like I’m almost in the verge of giving up.

Time flies swiftly when you seem too much busy with life even if it feels like nothing is going on presumably after the day and the other. I guess, I sort of get used to the bubble for quite a long time now for me to get adjusted to the everyday routine after a couple of years of health-issues, online work and house musings simultaneously sometimes things kind of messed up. Pretty much it becomes part of my system which I never taken so seriously just like being in a room full of people you have even barely know. Every day feels like a brand new day and it is. Never withhold the enthusiasm of the kid in you from being curiously delighted in everyday life.


Of course, don’t take yourself often too seriously. Yes, I'm guilty because I always taken things so seriously.

Don’t get me wrong but I’m enjoying all the craziness somehow with a bit tad of dramas and exaggerations in a written word compare it halfway in real life.

It’s never too late to be grateful for who you are and what you ought to be and most especially to those people who never get tired believing in your potentials as a person as well those who don’t appreciate and believe. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what they’re thinking it doesn’t define you as a person anyway so better be good and cultivate your ideals and even accept the simplest and the least way that you can do.

And when everything becomes a blur, I’m opt to have some breather for awhile and in any case I just sleep or curl up myself with a good book or else you’ll find me end up watching MasterChef or pet my cat in any time of the day.

(If you are allergic to cats or dogs we cannot get along. Pretty much it’s chaotic inside the house but fun and it is what makes it homey.)

There it boils to one thing I’m pretty normal now I guess doing some reality check right there.

Though I admit it’s painful to read the past entries and I rather not wrote anything too personal but it is some sort of an aid to the road of healing. It’s not that I committed anything disgraceful in my life but this is me and this is what reality bites when you stricken with a disease and you can’t find your way out to be heard that can almost weaken all your ability you have no resort but to trust your guts and your intuition that eventually things will matter in the end.

Hang in there, Linchpins (as the famous Seth Godin puts it).

Reflections of 2009

As majority of you might already done planning out your 2010 to-do list added some unresolved resolutions for the whole year round, I was thinking of boycotting the things I was expected to do or maybe not.



I felt so uncertain these days if I ever wanted a resolution in the first place. More often it came out as self-agreement of the things you wanted to do but chances are circumstances failed you in one way or the other. I just can’t stand to be forever bugged myself about what must be, should be and would be expected of me. A snap back of reality that we must embrace life as it comes everyday as a gift and better make the most of it.

Now we are entering into greater heights, a new century indeed as they say. Eventually because of all the things that went through the past year it made us into a better person than we are before. There are lessons learned, unfinished business, failed relationships, loss of a loved one, un-mend broken hearts, irreparable grudges and differences and the list goes on.. I must tell you it was never sound as easy listing on as all the memories as it brings all back to life. Picture yourself, into the depth of the situation feels like it’s the point of no return as it sucks all the life in you and the easiest escape you can ever found knowing to yourself that this too shall pass. I call it “madness”.

I guess, the madness is still there. It clings and it subsides. Though I am not complaining because it is what makes me more grateful to where I am now and to the amazing Mom who knew how to fight for her right and her children amidst chaos having a dysfunctional family. It was never her fault even though she shared her own shortcomings as well. I witness the sleepless nights dreading herself on what exactly went wrong in a relationship she’d given all her best. Our story might be a typical lonesome one but since it is my blog I have all the right to blog about it. Call it venting, a lame excuse, or another depressing entry again from me although it is a new year. So what?



Having your voice heard is what I got from her. We share the same passion to fight what is right even though it often leads us into a compromising situation. It felt good to see how we brave all the storms together to the pursuance of my education up to the chances of finding the right treatment and medication of this rare genetic bone disease. Pretty much my life depends on to those people who know how to cherish and treasured me as a person in my own little ways. Before I didn’t get the idea of why I am becoming so dependent a lot of times and why can’t I do some stuff on my own and be independent as much as I’d like to. I was bitter. I was helpless as I can ever be. I was basically the most pathetic person you’ll ever know on earth.

It’s not that I don’t dare to be open, it’s just that things doesn’t properly sink into me that sometimes life throws us anything. It can hit you real hard maybe throw you under the bus but it doesn’t mean you have to be stuck and be stranded in your so-called “madness”. I realized as they say, “No man is an island”. We depend on each other people in a good way. That is why I wouldn’t close my door in anything like new ideas for a new project, interacting to people, or maybe be more approachable this time. I don’t know. Most of the time, I lack the courage to be myself and I’m just so hard to deal with..

On the spiritual side, I must say having to know the TRUTH gave me the confidence to face whatever goes through the day and somehow keeping me grounded whenever I lost the sense of ability to discern the difference between love and hatred, fairness and equality, good and evil, finding good things in the hearts of people I came across. I was a social snob and prefer to work on my conversations in a written word rather than shout it all out. Though I totally admit I am not perfect I often can easily get irritated by petty things that doesn’t deserve to be. Anyway, it is not to be mentioned here. As I am reflecting after being 8 years in the truth, the more you draw yourself closer to Jehovah the enemies will make everything harder for you even though it varies from one struggle to the other. I felt being matured spiritually is not measured on how you are being nice to every single person you meet or how many hours you do in the ministry but on how you practice what you preach. I guess, that is the hardest part I ever did in the last year, well mostly every day. We need long suffering even harder today more than ever. But only Jehovah does see our hearts and knows all our intentions and it just melts my heart on how HE never fails us. I guess, that is the faith that moved my life to make me win every day life’s battle. Let’s keep ourselves be enlighten by the amazing God’s word. It is a refuge we can ever grasp and somehow it will straighten your path.

And for all the joy, disappointments, heartaches, grudges, hatred, appreciation, love and friendships and all of the above happened last year and those that are not needed to be mentioned here somehow let’s charge everything to experience.



Don’t cringe! I’m still the average everyday sane psycho you’ll ever think of and to those who knew me personally just meet me halfway!

A Sunday Slumber

Ideas don't come easy nowadays. I pretty much jump on the conclusion that perhaps I need more time on contemplating more on things about life in general (as if I ever did something to astound you!) like the soundest of mind of a 12 year old do, maybe lower than that. I just love to stay on that level of innocence where everything is carefree. I don't know. Life seems so simple and yet you wonder what if things be like for you after 5 years or even 10 years of your existence. Likewise, you don't even have to deal with all the craziness of having your mind preoccupied whether negative or positive thoughts. How I wish more positive thoughts only.

I miss those plastic glasses!

"Listen; there's a hell of a good universe next door, let's go.
-e.e. cummings

When all else fails, just breathe...

Nobody saw it coming. The storm has came and another has gone by. Maybe not yet. Anyway, it's quite fascinating to see the morning sun again, behind those transparent overcast blue skies. Somewhat hiding in the past couple of days from where am at.

Tirelessly, we prayed and prayed for another day in history hoping we can still be a part of it. I've never been a believer of the word 'lucky' but if there's a better way of describing it it would be that we are still blessed to be here more than anything else.

Just about now, I'm sitting here pondering how life's lessons old and new can let you see things in the other way around. Sometimes, you have to go through something you never felt before no matter what it is before you even realizes that maybe things have to go on purpose and maybe full of maybe's.

Some sort of finding the reason out of everything why things didn't meant to be or no matter how you tried to patch things up it falls down to nothing but silence. I barely find it hard to relate in all sorts of people in my life in general. I'm totally out of the loop! I don't know. It's not that I dare to isolate myself in a form isolation that I created myself but it always seems that way. An isolation I never chose to be an option it just came out and leading me nowhere. I don't want to call it very much destructive in a manner that I can always find a way to handle it one day at a time.

There are just some things that is so hard to explain to everyone. I can name all the issues and discuss the same issues all over again. Though times are changing I felt that I am not. I felt that I'm forever bridging a gap that I didn't know where to find even myself where am standing at.

It took me years and years to realize that people do change in many ways some for the better and there are some for the worse. The worst part is that I'm stuck somewhere in the middle where you can do nothing but to hope that you did everything to reach out even though all these years things became monotonous as if the I'm one who created all the mess.

Somehow, I can call it wounds that we all have to patch it up and if you have all the guts and the courage to talk about it it is up to you. Wounds and issues basically comes synonymous on how the way you handle it. I'm fragile and easily be sensitive in handling issues I'm speaking of issues in general. The only consolation I have is that I knew I want it all to get it off my chest..

After all that I've said and done, I realize how I'm not liking the social media after all this time. I do tend to hate the hate out of me as if it's not the source of my bread and butter. I just don't like how the truth screaming so loud
in my face and that is left for me is to felt some kind of fear in a good way.

Surprisingly, the other day I was opt to stalk someone as I've never done it before. Never in my life, I've never had 'real enemies for me to take advantage of these social networking.. That is so far one confessions I dare to say.

Though as my intro lines sounds promising and optimistic as it does, I am very much still in a sound of mind. Thank you!

Since it's the 6th day of October, amidst all the chaos there are still enough reason to smile as there always will a silver lining at the end of the day.

* Finally reached the goal to Top 100 Giant Club. Some of you might already know that it has been two years now since I started working on writing web articles online. It is so far one of the finest job in the world that I foresee in the next couple of years maybe two to five years from now. Adsense is pretty much the language of the internet marketing nowadays. All you need to have is a properly working backlinks, sincere recommendation and just being yourself. That is what I think the best way to sell yourself, your product and whatever you are born to do.

* I was thinking of coming up with my own website for various reasons. Methinks its more promising but I still need to learn all the proper tools out there that are available. An interactive, inspiring website domain would be sweet.

* Cutting off my TV time in the coming days to spend some time and to improve my style of writing. As well I will try not to let in my emotion (like today!?) get in the way as I went through the day.

* I'll be needing some discipline on how spend my time here also in the internet. No matter what I do I'm easily get lost browsing from one information to another. Multi tasking that is!

This is all in regards to my online projects here. I haven't thought about what's next but definitely everything is in the making.

Just something to talk about...

I've always been a believer of hopeful things to come whenever the day turns out to be not exactly the way I wanted it to be. Pretty much just like today. I guess, that's the way I learned how to console myself and somehow the same way my mom always told me to do so. Most of the time, I've tried questioning things which in the end I end up regretful for being misunderstood at times. Maybe I'm just being myself. The same way I'm trying to cope up with the feeling of uncertainty which usually comes at the unexpected time. And it lingers and never goes away...

Talk soon,

Courage is a quiet little voice in your head saying I will try again tomorrow...

One of the best thing that life has to offer is that we always had a choice. No better and no worse that is. These days is a combination of being pretty much messed up and trying again after all everyday is an endless journey to a lot of possibilities. Behind closed doors I let it all out the feeling that for the first time in a very long time I'm confronted with a certain anxiety that pushed into shoved. It's not that I'm overreacting in a way I'm not supposed to be but this is the only thing I have and the only thing I can do. The problem with getting used in an everyday working routine in any kind of work you have you tend to cling to it. It becomes a part of your system which you really looking forward to mostly everyday.

Having this disability for quite in my entire life the internet serves as my rear view mirror to the world, a unique platform to express my thoughts in either way I wanted to do, plus this is where I can find my voice to make a difference in my own little ways. So, right now feels like my work is on pending. Everything works in this web system which only a few people in my life would understand as much as I tried to. I don't know. I just missed those quiet mornings curling up to read a book, little kitties running at my feet, enjoying the scorching sun outdoor so I pay a visit. A couple of brisk walk is still the best after I felt the sweat touching my brows. It is said that the morning sun (UV Light)is a great source of vitamin D which is good for the bones. Ideally for those weakling like me who is afraid having a few bruises in the knees when I was little. Mind you, I still love doing it, being with nature, a few hours of sitting in the bench at porch while watching the bystanders passing by. It just left me with a smile thinking if life could only be less a complicated if patterned under the laws of nature, simple but exceptional... No other word I can add up to that. It pretty much sums up this whole past few weekdays. Do you think I really need a life? Oh, come on...

Lost in the World of Grown-Up-Wannabes

I hope my absence from blogging doesn't make you alarm or anything. No, I didn’t jump off a cliff or locked up myself (almost!) in a darkened room. Calm down. I’m just exaggerating things lately.

Have you ever been attached to anything or someone in your life and you cannot let go?

Yes, most of us did. As a matter of fact, we all do. Probably, one of the easiest questions everyone can relate. It's not that I lost today my "junk car" which I had since college - doesn't mean I'll be sorry for the rest of my life. I will always remember that morning and evening class that my body almost dropped off from tiredness and that car somehow serves all the comfort I can get. I remember those errands to one building to next feels like I'm always cramming for the time not to be late on the next class. Elevators are not being good to me as well because every time I walked in first all eyes on me as if I've done something wrong. But all is well now. That's just my memories of my school days - all the gains and pains of being a student.

Well, what happen happens. Anyway, there's no use in crying over spilled milk. I just don't have any means to decide for myself right now. I never own me. I was caught in a situation where my best is not good enough. I strive to the best of my abilities and even to the degree that I forgotten that this is only where I'll ever be. No better. No worse. It's really hard to keep up in the world of grown ups - where I'm surrounded by a lot of grown-up-wannabes. Most likely if my teachers in high school as well in college would know I write for a living they will surely said I'm making up all this crap. All my apologies for not being the soundest in mind today but it doesn't mean I nearly lost my sanity! Heaven forbid. Well, one of those rough days again. I've been caught off guard along the tides of so many issues and dilemmas I dare to leave at the back of my head. If only I can brushed it off and be gone by the wind forever; it's like waking up in the morning - the feeling when you open your eyes feels like nothing ever happens from the day after tomorrow. Not until you have eaten your breakfast and everything sinks in all the matters of the day. It's feels good waking up those mornings just knowing how on earth you still blessed with the gift of life amidst all the fuzz. So far, I didn't follow a time schedule these days I live one day at a time. Pretty much making the most of it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I don't know. I just turned twenty-three this month its somehow unnecessary to mention but I guess it sucks how I am starting to take things so seriously just like grown-up-wannabes do. I don't want to be like them. But I don't have no choice. Either I'll be keeping up or be lost in this battle of everything.

Thinking of a refreshing rendezvous somewhere in a far-flung island to get my ideas back!

I can't believe myself talking nonsense the other day. There are times my oddness is extravagantly poking on me. I don't know. I felt that bugging people these days is something I'll be taking seriously from now on. Oh, well there you go again all this craziness. Sometimes, there's nothing wrong to act dumb and pretend as if everything will be alright. It doesn't matter anyway or whatsoever as long as it serves you well.

Where these being crappy come from? I don't know still. I guess, let me blamed it to a lot of possible reasons which mentioning is somehow unnecessary but I'll be getting there. This all boils to one thing: I need some sort of inspiration to come up with ideas or somehow I'm getting a lot of urge to let this "whack" get out of my head. How I'll be getting used to this kind of cycle? I'm stuck in the surface. I just can’t comprehend.

On the more positive note, I think I'm eventually surviving this blogging system. I've been working non-stop in the hope that somehow I am accomplishing without expecting something in return. For the most part, no matter how people see it. Blogging is still the saddest job in the world. Anything that relates to it denotes some sort of redundant routine. I don't know. Everyone has it own mind how you view things.

As much as possible, I really don't want to linger on something like my disability as an excuse why I shouldn't feel normal just like any able bodied person does. I'm actually feeling upbeat these days that hopefully at the end of the day there's still a silver lining as I tried to believe to.

So, therefore my writing progress is some sort of lethargic. I felt restless in a matter of minutes, hours and days for taking things in a back seat. I don’t know. I think this is getting serious. See you on the road or should I say, see you on my next topic. I still have no freaking idea!

feline encounters

Poor Macha! He can't even step down the stairs without sleeping because of overeating... hussshh.. shhh shhh:)

Aren't they said to be that cats has nine lives among all the creatures with four feet? It has no scientific basis so definitely it's a myth but I don't know if I were a cat I would probably hid myself in a box and runaway somewhere [or maybe not] whenever I had opportunity to jump off from everything as an escape to all those people madly looking for me. It's just so fascinating every time cats use all their claws and all its defenses. I can't think of any other way to write an ode about them, this is some sort of at least.

He is no Garfield because he don't like Lasagne and I am the one who like it a lot as well as Inno. Somehow, the oldest dog is very much like me in many ways. A lookout. It's not that I underestimating myself most of the time the owner and pets behave very much alike nowadays. Tsskkk! Tsssk!


"Meet the ever gorgeous Uron!" Looking UP, UP, UP and Away! No it's not a bird, it's not a plane, it's superCAT! [watching out her ever demanding suitor.. They never seems get tired of yelling in the middle of night, oh gosh..] Last but not the least, PONNIE the cat [famous in the house for having a short tail of all..] Oh, yeh! He's loving the tropical sun.. :)

mind over matter

Do I heard myself right? Darn! I'm a little off the whole week for being sick and feeling miserable every time I get up on my chair. Hopefully, I'm getting better soon as soon as this weekend ends. I don't know. I can't barely sleep too.

I am easily distracted by so many things nowadays whether I ignore it or not. These days I'm having a hard time to make up a good point and to stand by through it no matter what. Though, I really tried to see things in a more wider perspective that somehow I am able to send the message across without having any offense to anyone especially those close to my heart.

For so many times I dreadfully dreaded to live forever in the shadow of this fear that I didn't even try myself to express, reached out and to feel any kind of emotion. I am not afraid to be single out because I've been there for so long. On top of it all, you cannot please people all the time like these barriers you can't always expect to win.

No, I never see it a downfall in anyway or if it was just let it all out. Don't let anyone shut you down from being yourself just for the sake of making a stand even if you're the last one standing. Let it go. Breathe. Just breathe. Sometimes, you all have to do is to break the ice. Don't stay to the norms get out of your shell.

You'll never know you might touch a life and people realize how you really meant it not to hurt them. That's what I do. I am continually asking for that strength to endure every time these moment comes when everything is so hard to bear. We all have that barriers. Sometimes, barriers are self-imposed after all you can't do anything but just to live with it.

Any weekend barriers?

So, what's on your bucket list?

...Today is a different day. No arguing or whatsoever. People often argue with a lot of logical and possible reason and I’m tired of arguments and I’m tired of arguing back. In a worst case scenario, I often found myself kept everything shut and even unresolved. Lately I realize that there is no easy way out in an argument on whose side you can win or lose. It is something I really don’t need to do just to convince myself that I have to fit in into a mold.. I don’t know.

All I want to do right now is to live for the moment. Leave the trace of the issue behind. Don’t sweat for the little things that can add up to lose my own composure to withstand the on going pressure of everyday life. So, what about writing my own version of bucket list? Have you seen the movie with the same name? I just thought of that this morning while pondering how circumstance changes everything lately. Could it be for better or for worse? Another sour-grape or am I just procrastinating?

Here you go! Please don’t tell anyone even my mom! So, here are my lists of the things I want to do before I die, if I only got one day to live, feed the cats, nor kick the bucket. Just don’t take things so seriously! It’s all for now in random order..


1) Carpe Diem, as Horace said.

2) Write a letter to friends, family, relatives, enemies, and strangers who I meet in this lifetime.

3) Learn more foreign language.

4) Travel to Arcidosso

5) Visit Louvre to see the Mona Lisa.

6) Go on a Safari

7) Update this blog regularly no matter how boring the day went was for me.

8) Compose a song.

9) Hug and tell my mom I love her!

10) Taste kopi luwak.

11) Learn archery.

12) Bungee jump.

13) Jump on a cliff.

14) Ride a horse.

15) Scream up to the top of my lungs.

16) Ride a carousel

17) Watch the sunset.

18) Go on mountain climbing

19) A walk on a seashore

20) Write a book, novel or any piece of literature.

21) Put up a sanctuary for animals like dogs and cats.

22) Write a movie script.

23) A party, or gathering with all the people who love me.

24) Tell my dad all the things I never have the chance to.

25) Go in an orchard.

26) Eat exotic food.

27) Go on fishing.

28) Watch a movie.

29) Learn how to use more a cell phone.

30) Create my own website.

Trojans is a virus not a horse! Ah

Acck! At last the Thursday evening spree with the cousins end. I just thought I'll be able to sleep easily the way I wanted to but it never happened so my last resort is to blog. The day is pretty much as the usual musings in the house, feeding the cats and the dogs, updating lenses from time to time, catching up with the Olympics on TV, scanning all my files to check if there's any trace of a virus in the system and I was right. I found out that the 24 files in my system are infected by malwares, trojans and other forms of encrypted code viruses usually pops up from opening different sites. I don't know. This sort of thing is really time consuming and pretty much exhausting to death. I am becoming a virus freak nowadays. Wishing that this laptop I'm using will not give up! It is still my all time favorite gadget in the world. Yeh!

Yesterday, it rain the whole day. The classes are suspended so another lists in a lot of unexpected Filipino holiday. That is why because of the tropical storm I'm a bit disappointed with our internet connection here. I'm a having a hard time to connect and update Squidoo lens as a part of a hobby and a job I do online. My life right now is pretty much the same. Nothing much loud to talk about. I'm feeling okay in regards to some friends who might be so worried about me. I'm trying to take things one step at a time. As much as possible, I'm trying to divert my time only on positive things rather than focusing on thinking too much because I have the tendency to lose all the passion in my everyday life. That's why I'm very much thankful with the turn out of things in my own small little ways. Sometimes, the more you enjoy the simpler things, it's the more it brings you happiness, it's the more it light up your face.

It's all for now. Where am I?

We shall see on my next post.

Etcetera

This 2am habit of mine became too habitual (no pun intended!). All I can think of right now is very much off-topic. It's just so weird writing your thoughts on how you started your day even though to some finally called it "a day". As usual I started it with a lot of enthusiasm hoping that I'm still doing the right thing. For the most part I live one day at a time. Its so great waking up everyday with a glee feeling that once again I had surpassed another milestone just for the sake of living this life. It may sound as cheesy as it does, I can finally say that I am ALIVE! Its not that I am not feeling really like it so so years ago. Its just that this time it's just so different being alive through the realization that I eventually learned to let go maybe some of the pain and the scars brought by the unexpected turn out of events and circumstance. The heck with it! Isn't life is full of surprises?

But, I must tell you that I hate surprises even though how fun and enjoyable it is. I think it does scares me to think that I might tend to overlooked the other side of things. For so many times, I'm afraid of speaking what's on my mind so far to stand in what you believe is right does cost anything at all. Being in the shadow of other people's expectations can be so grueling and it sucks. And for that reason I missed the fun knowing that even though doing some things doesn't really fun at all, we all deserve to be happy. Happiness is what we are. If we want to be happy is up to us. I believe that it is at this crucial times it must be self-imposed even with a smallest things that you can do your own way. If at the end of the day you haven't heard someone praise your work or the stuff that you do, be thankful still you are on the right track because not everyone's liking it and you have to expect it!



If one day you found yourself questioning God on whatever life leads you to, seize a moment and reflect there might something wrong with you...

I kept on recalling the other day the things I had encountered while on the way to the hospital. We had such a hard time on catching on the ride because some of the TAXI's doesn't want to take us in. That's the problem when you are residing a couple of miles from Metro Manila... People fond of demanding higher pays on all almost anything. As the usual part of the story, A good Samaritan was sent by the heavens and I was very pleased that our travel finally went pretty good. These are our everyday heroes. People who will come to meet us in an unexpected time and place. You have to learn to accept yourself, for what you are and for what you are not. People will try to change you, brainwash you that this is the right thing to do until you finally lost yourself. It shouldn't be that way. Don't let them be the judge. Don't let them take your soul. Your very soul to make a difference into this world. Forgive even the smaller details all the things that you can't hold on into yourselves. They are there for you to gather strengths out from that weaknesses. What if at the end of the day you are feeling unloved and lost? It might be that the physical heart is the most vulnerable part of the human body. We merely exists for the same valid reason that it never skips a beat whether we like it or not. Even in death it kept up its fight, it never cease.

Here's another thing if at the end of the day you haven't heard that someone likes you too, leave it. Again, don't be hard on yourself for creating false hopes and assumptions. You deserve someone much better than that, Moron! Shame on him! After all, you have nothing lose. The only thing that could be so hard is putting on that shoes everyday, walking around gazillion bunch of people all eyes on you as if everything is alright and you manage to make a laugh to patch the other side of you tearing apart. Remember, this world is a world of made-pretend better wear the toughest skin you can ever be. Sometimes, it's so easy to give these advices rather than to be the one seeking because not a quarter you can ever understand nor took the hurt just what that person going through not until you yourself goes through with it...


Therefore we do not give up, but even if the man we are outside is wasting away, certainly the man we are inside is being renewed from day to day. For though the tribulation is momentary and light, it works out for us a glory that is of more and more surpassing weight and is everlasting; while we keep our eyes, not on the things seen, but on the things unseen. For the things seen are temporary, but the things unseen are everlasting... 2 Cor. 4:16-18