20 Random Questions

What a yucky day.

These saga of maddening heat continues that will probably last until next month or so. I've never been anywhere these days aside from keeping myself busy with online class or work vice versa. Things are getting so redundant for me nowadays. Anyways, I happen to stole some random 20 Questions on someone else's blog. Are y'all ready?

1) Name 5 things you don't care about.

First of all, other people's crap sometimes it's much better not to care too much at all. Second, having an Instagram account or an Android phone. Third, not going on vacation anywhere. Fourth, being underestimated by certain people in my life. Lastly, being left alone at home with my four cats.

2) I wish I could stop:

This scorching heat that becoming so unbearable these days. I feel so sweaty all over my face. I just hate working online in this warm weather.

3) What is your favorite kind of peanut butter?

I always love the crunchy one.

4) Pick a color that best represents your mood today.

I'm loving the color blue right now as I'm craving for something cool in the ambiance these days.

5) Look to your right. What is the first thing you see?

The television set.

6) Who was the last person to send you a letter in the mail?

Online school.

7) What did you order the last time you went out to eat?

Halo Halo, a Filipino cold dessert. I really love it!

8) How good are you at delaying gratification?

Moderately. Although sometimes I can't resist something good especially when it comes to food.

9) What is your favorite "fair food"?

Ice Cream! Buco salad flavored.

10) What was the last thing you baked?

I don't know how to baked. Sorry.

11) Are you a good speller?

Yes, it is something I'm really good at. I'm a spelling freak ever since.

12) When was the last time you went sledding?

I've never been. I live in a tropical country so didn't get the chance to sled in the snow.

13) How many times have you been called for jury duty?

Never. I'm a good girl.

14) Scrubs, ER or Grey's Anatomy?

I'm a big fan of ER but didn't catch up its whole episode per season. As well as Grey's Anatomy, I'm a super big fan because of McDreamy and Meredith Grey.

15) What do you try to stay away from?

Noisy and cynical people.

16) What is your favorite magazine?

Reader's Digest is one of my favorite magazine since I was a kid so I collect a few copies.

17) Do you set your alarm clock on the weekend?

No, I just go on with what anything goes on through the day. That's the perks of living one day at a time.

18) When you attend a wedding do you tend to give cash or buy something off the registry?

Well, I try to give something memorable but cash is still practical.

19) Have you ever shot a bow and arrow?

Nope. I'm not an athletic person.

20) What did you last receive in the mail?

Study materials for online class.

Nothing fancy just a random thought...

It's been awhile since... Most of the time I procrastinate a lot on blogging something personal lately. Pretty much I've been caught up with the ups and downs in real life.

* The house renovation slash expansion is on pending. Wow, there's so many things to work on the house but we are getting there.

* I'm still continuing classes online at Penn Foster. That is what keeps me even busier aside from writing and working on articles.

* Finally my PMS'ing is over. Feels like it's the end of the world but thankfully it is not.

* Still need to persevere more to reached that stable online income monthly. How I wish I have that enough energy and time management to do all that.

* Don't dwell on people's negativity, problems, idiosyncrasies. I have plenty of that in my closet too.

* Be my own happiness and sadness.

* This is all for now. Thank you for stealing your time reading this entry. This all comes in random I must say.  Nothing fancy or anything to astound you.

Carpe Diem! 

Pebrero

And just as that here comes the romantic month of February.

Did I say romantic because this is probably the most anticipated month of the year for all the lovers.  No, I won't talk about that. Or my much anticipated return of the season 3 of the The Walking Dead. Oh yeah. The heck with it this will mean another year older of me. I'm hitting the famous 27 club stigma though thankfully I'm still alive. But don't get me wrong I have so many things to be thankful for in this life.

How I was I can't be this overly dramatic all the time. So what is this a post turning twenty seven rants or should I say wishes.

I've been busy for quite some time now which I really do love and enjoyed alternating all these boring routines day after day. I keep myself on studying, taking up online courses, working on my content pages or do a little affiliate marketing here and there. How I wish I could have a little time for myself to unwind and explore the carefree outdoors. But it is always not my thing. I feel like I've been stuck here forever while everyone seems having the time of the their life here I am pondering how life can be so unfair and full of limitation. The same old story all over again. How about me at one time be limitless. No hold barred for the things I really want to do and hoping and wishing for.

Aw, I really want to travel the world someday. Maybe save up a couple of bucks that can cover up until my dying day. Build a tree house. Write a novel.

Wow. There's just a bunch to do. I really need to work hard on it.

I better start right now.

Namaste. I will write more soon.

Sort of a quarter life crisis in the making for a twenty six years old

I admit it. I've been stuck in the rut for quite awhile now. Nostalgia just hits me today unlike any other day the impact was all so great that I just can't stop questioning myself, what I've been doing here? Where do I go from here? Sort of a quarter life crisis in the making for a twenty six years old like me (turning twenty seven years old two months from now) in this so-called earth. I'll let you know the reason once I found out why.

Then there's this things that are not just like before. Anyway, what do I expect I'm living in 2012 and a week from now it will be a new year. This is not the 90's or ending of the millenia anymore. Reality do sucks as much you are trying to find the escape it will haunt you in the face. For a long years now, I've been trying to create my own world where dreams have wings and it can fly like I can do anything that is possible. Now I woke up to that dream world that there's this certain limitation I have it on me. Why can't I be like anybody else?

Don't get me wrong but most physically challenge people like us feels that at a certain point in our lives. For a moment it took awhile for us to find our own wings to soar high. Though I only have a simple wish or you may call it a dream and that is to see the my loved ones especially my mother having a fulfilled life. She didn't ask me for anything but I feel I need to work out more for her. No matter how I can get in my online work somehow just to help her make both ends meet I would do anything for her. Forgive me for being too emotional writing this today. It's just that the feeling is so overwhelming that I couldn't even hold back my tears. I've battled so many issues in my life for most of the time it was a roller coaster ride. Sometimes it takes me up and just like today it takes me down I can no longer find my worth.

I know it is not how things supposed to be that way. Sooner or later, this too shall pass as if I'll be able to find my own worth again.

Currents

date: 11/05/2012

location:     obviously at home
eating:        Tuyo (dried fish) on top of a warm rice
drinking:     plenty of COFFEE and a glass of iced water
enjoying:    distance learning, blogging stuff, writing on Wizzley, HubPages and Squidoo
listening:     a random playlist from Linkin Park, OPM (Original Pinoy Music) to Tori Amos
wishing:      the major renovation of the house continues and be able pay the remaining mortgage.
thinking:     of sleeping earlier than 12MN or maybe not.. It depends.
making:      a mountains out of a mole hill.. just kidding! Working on my newest lens, hubs or wizz..
                   or else finish all my Math exercises.. I hate Math.
feeling:       sick of PMS, sleepy, sad, nostalgic pretty much lately.. kinda tired too.
loving:        watching my cats and dogs sleep beside me in the couch while blogging.

Never been anywhere

I'm trying to rekindle the moment where blogging is the surest thing to me. I guess, I've been out of the loop lately to write how quirky the day was like for me or simply it just came by unnoticed. I don't know. So there you go a little bump in the road right there.

Though all I know is that where ever I look everything changes and that's a fact. It just sucks how these feeling continue to devour me after so many years like any normal human being. It's not that I hate my life right now the thought that I could've done better still lingers at the back of head right now. At the end of the day, it only boils down how much you are willing to hope against hope thinking you did your best that you can do.

After almost 5 years of blogging and sharing all my thoughts into this platform, I'm still going no where. Still kept on sitting, waiting, wishing...

Random thoughts on being 26.

Being twenty six is not scary after all. The word not scary after all is too much to say as an understatement so don't get me wrong. When I was about six years old, I was told by some doctors that when I reached the age of ten I won't be able to walk again and there's a genetic bone disorder which is progressing in my system. It was the same old weary story that I have to live through until today.

I knew through it that I was born unique and special. Life was pretty much a struggle and it always been ever since. I almost got to the point where I self pity almost everyday of my life and frown at the things I wasn't capable of doing. It was terrible. I feel terribly sorry today for living into the shadows for such a long time due to the fact that I couldn't accept myself as I am. I guess, we all go through these phases of madness as we confront what life has to offer.

It is really indeed, life is full of surprises. Sometimes, it will caught you off guard being the person as you are towards certain issues you have deal with because you simply have no choice and it always seems to work that way.

Now I'm trying to let things go as it is because it is the only way I can freed myself from these chains of barriers that overshadowing myself and to the outside world. I know it always been easier said than done but I knew I am capable of doing it as the time goes by. Its just putting yourself in a best foot forward everyday hoping that it is going to be much brighter and hopeful than the last time.

I am true believer of second chances in life as long as you are living through what it really means rather than swearing things and you're pushing yourself to become the person you ought to be. I still need a lot of things change by the way of my thinking, developing enormous patience towards others and most especially not losing faith because for sure there's going to be a lot of hurtful things to be thrown on me in this life in the near future.

Now I'm gratefully praying for a more braver hearts and a few tears so I can go on everyday through this life like everyone else.

So, thanks to all who had been and still part of my life whether you had given me joy, sorrow and tears because that made me who I am today.

Me at 26 with a new spankin' haircut!

It's a Cat's World right here!

Today's subject matter is all about CATS.

So, if you're not a cat person you'll probably won't appreciate this post.

Meet Macha and Blanket. 

Say hello to Jeremy.. I must say, he's one of
those adventurous cat I ever known.

Poor Kun-kun! He looks a bit sick today.. he become so nauseous and looking
so teary eyed.. I suspect he got injured from a cat fight last night
somewhere in our neighborhood.

Like they say, a home is not a house without these furry creatures! I can't stop smiling while taking these pictures on a typical random day like today. I've been trying to meet certain goals for this coming months in my online work mostly with Squidoo and certain blog sites. Though there are days like these when it seems like there's nothing going remarkable at the end of the day.

Good grief.

xoxo

Missing in Action?

Since it has been the new year I just thought to make a little tweaks here and there. I've been missing in action for quite some time now. I'm too caught up with so many online projects as well with real life away from the blogosphere.

Gotta go and finish some writings. Enjoy the picture of my Jillian, one of the additional pups at home. They're growing up so fast. :)

Probably what goes around comes back around.

Today I really want to write in a more upbeat manner just for the reason that life is what it is. For the most part, words are just words though real life away from the blogosphere can be pretty much exhausting, fun and stressful at times all rolled into one.

What a bumpy ride.

There are times when I totally want to drown myself into a deep slumber in a good way but what can I do there's no easy way out in the midst of an issue surfacing one after the other.

I guess, everything comes in a matter of perspective. It's either hope for the best or just expect the worst. I tried to believe so.

I'm indifferent. Today I chose to be me. Today is not that tragic. It's just one of those average days when I'm bound to let the time to pass by. Clockwatching. Learning to conform and embrace the beauty of ambiguity that everything goes like a cycle of tides turning.

Today I'm grateful that I am stronger than before in terms of emotional level somehow in order to survive you got to have the toughest skin as ever. I admit there are things I want to learn to let go inside myself like to never take grudges and bury the things that needed to buried. I could have forgotten some of the painful memories of the past having this disability and looking back was such a waste of time but for me this is what personal blogging is all about. I call this as my only outlet. I treat this like a friend, my great confidant. A psychological therapy that eventually recording the things out of the madness of the moment can be passe. When I was in college, I learned the real value of patience about people in either way they will love you or hate you. As I've never been this friendly like myself now in my schooling days, I am aloof most of the time. I closed my doors in getting to know anyone and meeting new people treating them as if they are going to bite me. I guess, to make the story brief you have to treat everyone like you want to be treated. Probably, that includes personal issues treating it like the way it want to be treated. Love begets love.

Sorry but I need my personal space to grow up and taking everything in slowly which I somehow cannot grasp in a few years back. Yes, I'm totally disconnecting myself with family and friends that was very much of me counting down the days of isolation in either way I don't have a choice. I guess, that let me maintain the level of sanity I have today in a figurative speaking. I just can't fit in much worse back then. That I really don't want anyone to define me and fit into some sort of a mold. It is a synchronicity revolves around in your life that appears in the way beyond your control.

Now I just take a deep breathe. Isn't that life is breath taking.

A Blast from the Past

March madness here you go.

A bit tired and still stoked for this week’s outcome so far the online work goals have met and I’m pretty much satisfied how things paid off in the past few months. I guess, it did come timely for my needed boost it’s just so tiring how these routine of late night hours slowly burning me out. But I still need to work on more to monetize my so-called commercial blogs though which I often neglected for too many lame excuses.

So far, life is good so to speak.

Someone out there has been answering my prayers for me to make things possible in my own little way. It is the little least thing I can contribute for the love of writing and making money online. Yes, it is pretty much a routine kind of life as the days pass and the weeks is over I realize how am I making all this possible for a living for almost four years now. Such a bummer kind of life and the best part of it is that I just have to be myself sitting in front of the computer with my pajamas on. It looks as though I careless but nothing is much to complain about as long as I’m just doing my thing and not hurting anyone. Pretty much I can rest my case.

Yes, it has been a blast from the past sort of weeks for me. I often didn’t get used to this. I rarely talked to people more openly than I do now. And the thing is that somehow I am able to stand some people’s dogmas and how it also made an impact in my life today. I just can’t believe myself thriving on how I perceive certain realities in life and celebrating life’s little victories. Maybe it’s me being introverted socially without constraining myself about the outcome away from my comfort zones. Suddenly I’ve been a different person so far it’s great to move on in life knowing I am actually capable of this growth and acceptance.

In a lighter note, I think I just have to continue doing what I am able to do and still keep on searching that silver lining out there at the end of the day. Living life to the fullest in my own set of potentials I think I just to have to continue all this crap. Life is too short after all the calamities happening in the world today.

If not being morbid, let’s enjoy today for tomorrow will be no longer here.

Even before you sleep don’t forget to say a little prayer to all those who had lost their lives, homes and family in all this horrifying natural disasters.

When age is a dreadfully dreaded number

The trouble in listening to sappy love songs is that it makes you teary eyed, runny nose, and it can almost breaks you down all of a sudden with or without a definite reason into a series of emotional uphill climb.

Thanks to Steven Curtis Chapman’s I will be here then a quick switch to head banging sound of Kings of Leon – that is pretty much on my random boring playlist lately. I won’t mind. Good times.

Now the dreadfully dreaded day is here. I know, age is just a number.Well, it's a little too early anyways I rather post it or I may end up procrastinating later on. It’s not like a mid-quarter life crisis but you know the feeling when you reached that certain age you start to wonder and question yourself. What’s going on? Am I living it right? It’s just okay when you are just eighteen don’t worry I still live with my parents and you still have one year to go before you’re on your twenties. Then when you are on your twenties you have to endure the frustrations of finishing school and finding work and all other jazz.

As for me it’s a different case. It’s a life in between the trivial and the road less traveled by many.

If you haven’t realized I’ve been insane a very long time ago. I just manage to win back my composure after being hit by a couple of surgeries and anesthesia and pain relievers and maybe a couple of divine interventions.

Please give the credit to a lot of amazing people in my life online and offline who fought and brave all the storms of life with me when I felt like I’m almost in the verge of giving up.

Time flies swiftly when you seem too much busy with life even if it feels like nothing is going on presumably after the day and the other. I guess, I sort of get used to the bubble for quite a long time now for me to get adjusted to the everyday routine after a couple of years of health-issues, online work and house musings simultaneously sometimes things kind of messed up. Pretty much it becomes part of my system which I never taken so seriously just like being in a room full of people you have even barely know. Every day feels like a brand new day and it is. Never withhold the enthusiasm of the kid in you from being curiously delighted in everyday life.


Of course, don’t take yourself often too seriously. Yes, I'm guilty because I always taken things so seriously.

Don’t get me wrong but I’m enjoying all the craziness somehow with a bit tad of dramas and exaggerations in a written word compare it halfway in real life.

It’s never too late to be grateful for who you are and what you ought to be and most especially to those people who never get tired believing in your potentials as a person as well those who don’t appreciate and believe. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what they’re thinking it doesn’t define you as a person anyway so better be good and cultivate your ideals and even accept the simplest and the least way that you can do.

And when everything becomes a blur, I’m opt to have some breather for awhile and in any case I just sleep or curl up myself with a good book or else you’ll find me end up watching MasterChef or pet my cat in any time of the day.

(If you are allergic to cats or dogs we cannot get along. Pretty much it’s chaotic inside the house but fun and it is what makes it homey.)

There it boils to one thing I’m pretty normal now I guess doing some reality check right there.

Though I admit it’s painful to read the past entries and I rather not wrote anything too personal but it is some sort of an aid to the road of healing. It’s not that I committed anything disgraceful in my life but this is me and this is what reality bites when you stricken with a disease and you can’t find your way out to be heard that can almost weaken all your ability you have no resort but to trust your guts and your intuition that eventually things will matter in the end.

Hang in there, Linchpins (as the famous Seth Godin puts it).

Somniphobia

More often than not, I should’ve known that there’s a fine line between sleep deprivation and the phobia of not able to wake up before you can even sleep.

Pretty much I tend to over psyche myself in the run of days after days, weeks and after weeks and months and after months. I know this should not be the case. Feels like I’m tied up somewhere literally in this chair with all these thinking thoughts seems to haunt me in every single time of the day. Sounds like a creepy me but that is what it is.

This time of the year I’m working on setting goals for me towards life general so I admit it really was a terrible mistake sometimes you can’t hold on the things that your heart is longing for in life in general like in secular work even if you worked really hard for it in either way it could make or break you. Worst of all, it can applied for people too. People are people. Sometimes, things don’t work out.

All throughout the day is what a struggle. I’m struggling to cope with little distractions and anxieties coming my way to focus on the brighter side of life, the simple pleasures that can easily make me smile and knowing that I can still have the chance to wake up another day seeing my Mom being there by my side.

When I was asked about finding the greener pasture, all that came to my mind is that there’s no greater greener pasture other than being with someone (not always applied in a romantic way!) who gave up something in their life just to be with you. This could be a parent, a family member or one particular person you owe a lot to be the person you are now. This is what this limitation brought me to thinking not to take anyone for granted for life is so fragile and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life I haven’t done anything at least to appreciate and bring back to Jehovah all the gratitude that this life has to offer. His immense understanding for all the things that concerns me is somehow comforts me when the battle becomes too weary. I know every battle is not ours only to bear for without HIM we are nothing. No one can stand. We are a mile far from perfection not even this system.

Psalm 139: 23-24:

Search through me, O God and know my heart
examine me and know my disquieting thoughts

And see whether there is in me any painful way
and lead me in the way of time indefinite.

So to end this on a positive, if thinking thoughts is what keeps me sane in this cynical world so be it. At least for now that is all I can do and let me write all this stuff until everything clears.

Making a Mountain Out of Mole Hill

This is probably my 83th posts ever in this free platform of blogs that blogger has to offer. Do I make sense? I admit. I’ve never been a persistent, objective, resourceful, incredible (and all the goody adjectives that you can think of) characteristics of a blogger which I’m really sorry and regret by the way. Yes, time flies swiftly! It was four year past since I first wrote here a few ramblings, mad rants and anything goes through me at the end of the day. It was plainly out of my necessity to come up with something where I can voice out all the angst, odd stories and bad hair days away from the eyes of my many judgmental critics. So far, I’m glad that I did make my fair share of crap published in the internet. Can anyone estimate the volumes of crappy-ness ever published in the internet? I wonder, do they ever think of creating a software to filter all the crappy-ness ever existed in the internet. For sure, Google won’t be surprise and it has an enough volumes of that to be indexed in algorithms. Please don’t sue me I’m pretty sure we’re all guilty of that.

It’s just that I’m such a sloth of posting entries nowadays. Surprisingly, I was running out of awesome-ness to tell about how it was like to be in the day of a life of me?! I’m still wearing the same clothes and still waking up to be the same person nothing much new really. I’m still sleeping in the same couch bed next to a nifty computer waiting to formulate new ideas pretty much a bunch of crap which I surprisingly I can go on make a living I guess in the span of 5 years or more (if I’m still alive) still got all the rubbish published and being indexed by Google. That would be an enough reason for me to celebrate the life I had in the internet. I didn’t wished to be a sensation or anything but we all do have our own share of freedom so let me used it the way I’d like to. I guess, this is the price I have to pay for too much information.

At times I’ve been wrongly accuse of complaining about life and all that jazz but the truth is that I pretty much well adjusted to the routines though it’s tough doing work which no one can ever understand except those trying to make a living out of something like I do. Yes, I love exaggerating things to the extent that life is not meant to live to be boring…

A Sunday Slumber

Ideas don't come easy nowadays. I pretty much jump on the conclusion that perhaps I need more time on contemplating more on things about life in general (as if I ever did something to astound you!) like the soundest of mind of a 12 year old do, maybe lower than that. I just love to stay on that level of innocence where everything is carefree. I don't know. Life seems so simple and yet you wonder what if things be like for you after 5 years or even 10 years of your existence. Likewise, you don't even have to deal with all the craziness of having your mind preoccupied whether negative or positive thoughts. How I wish more positive thoughts only.

I miss those plastic glasses!

"Listen; there's a hell of a good universe next door, let's go.
-e.e. cummings

I never intend to Tagged You!

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = coffee 3 in 1
2. last phone call = aunt ellen
3. last text message = from ate cheng
4. last song you listened to = Somewhere Only We Know by Keane
5. last time you cried = last night.. I don't know.

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = nope.
7. been cheated on = never
8. kissed someone & regretted it = never happen.
9. lost someone special = sadly, yes.
10. been depressed = I've always been.. lol
11. been drunk and threw up = yep, once.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. red
13. blue
14. black

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend = yes
16. Fallen out of love = not yet happens.. =]
17. Laughed until you cried = yes
18. Met someone who changed you = yes
19. Found out who your true friends were = yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you = uhm.. I do, malakas intuition ko lol
21. Kissed anyone on your fb friend's list = never happen..

GENERAL:
22. How many people on your fb friends list do you know in real life = a few people
24. Do you have any pets = yah!
25. Do you want to change your name = nope
26. What did you do for your last birthday = natulog ata
27. What time did you wake up today = 7am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = fallen asleep..
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = to eat my lunch..
30. Last time you saw your Mother = a few seconds ago
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life = many to mention
32. What are you listening to right now = winamp player
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom = I think I did out of purpose..
34. What's getting on your nerves right now = uncertainties
35. Most visited webpage = squidoo, yahoo, twitter, my blog, facebook
37. Nicknames = naiz, ate naiz, aiza
38. Relationship Status = just looking around.. lol
39. Zodiac sign = aquarius
40. Male or female? = female
41. Elementary? = ASMI
42. Middle School = RECI
43. High school/College = St. Joseph/ OLFU/ Penn Foster College
44. Hair colour = brown
45. Long or short = shoulder length
46. Height = better not to mention..
47. Do you have a crush on someone? = I don't know.
48: What do you like about yourself = I'm adaptable and can easily relate.
49 Piercings = ears
50. Tattoos = none
51. Righty or lefty = righty

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery = 2002, constructive surgery
53. First piercing = ears
54. First best friend = zarra (childhood friend)
55. First sport you joined = uhm.. wala, haha
56. First vacation = mariveles, bataan din ata
58. Firs - uhm.. lost tong Question ito! = what?

RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating = not eating yet
60. Drinking = hot coffee
61. I'm about to = update on squidoo
62. Listening to = random playlist.. john mayer -back to you
63. Waiting on = the world to change.. nice song by @johncmayer

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? = idk
65. Get Married? = ??
66. Career? = ghost writer online

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes? = eyes
68. Hugs or kisses = hugs
69. Shorter or taller = it doesn't matter
70. Older or Younger = older
71. Romantic or spontaneous = spontaneous
72. Nice stomach or nice arms = nice arms
73. Sensitive or loud = sensitive
74. Hook-up or relationship = relationship
75. Trouble maker or hesitant = trouble maker.. you live, you learn!

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger = creepy, nope
77. Drank hard liquor = not yet
78. Lost glasses/contacts = nope
79. Sex on first date = uhmm.. NO! haha
80. Broken someone's heart = I did.. not romantically though
81. Had your own heart broken = yep, not in a romantic sense
82. Been arrested = nope
83. Turned someone down = yeah
84. Cried when someone died = of course
85. Fallen for a friend? = never happens

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself = of course
87. Miracles = yep, miracles happens within you
88. Love at first sight = nope
89. Heaven = yeah
90. Santa Claus = no
91. Kiss on the first date = nope
92. Angels = yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
93. Had more than one bf/gf? = oh gosh.. never happen
95. Did you sing today? = a couple of songs lol
96. Ever cheated on somebody? = hindi ah
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go, and why? = not necessary
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? = when I earned my first squidoo payday lol
99. Are you afraid of falling in love? = nope
100. Posting this as 100 truths? = of course, I can attest to that.

random musings

So many things still going on in my head right now can't find its way out. It is some sort of a feeling I tend to disregard for a couple of times. It pushes me away into a limit of something I didn't expected. There are things I should have learned to live from now on and I'm pretty sure it's not going to be easy after all the things are said and done. I'm tired. I'm restless as I can ever be. I'm freaking out with every little things as far as I'm concern. I'm totally out of the loop. Pretty much I'm a bit of everything. This emotional blackmail continues to unravel until it is taking it's toll on me. No. I'm not even giving up and I'm not even halfway through this journey.

Everything is just actually starting ever since I wake up. How can you be fully awake when you're actually not even asleep? How can you forget the things you really want to forget? How can you make a move when you haven't cross the line? How can you say you know me but you haven't see me? How can you say you'll be there if you haven't been here? How can you talk when you can't say nothing at all? How can it stop when it's actually just starting? How can I finish when I haven't been started? How can I let go when it's not yet fully over?

Complexities mostly come up to me everyday. It goes and it goes like a myriad sets of patterns and questions people often don't care of answering. Sometimes, it doesn't make sense to them. That's why they don't care. Good times.

Etcetera

This 2am habit of mine became too habitual (no pun intended!). All I can think of right now is very much off-topic. It's just so weird writing your thoughts on how you started your day even though to some finally called it "a day". As usual I started it with a lot of enthusiasm hoping that I'm still doing the right thing. For the most part I live one day at a time. Its so great waking up everyday with a glee feeling that once again I had surpassed another milestone just for the sake of living this life. It may sound as cheesy as it does, I can finally say that I am ALIVE! Its not that I am not feeling really like it so so years ago. Its just that this time it's just so different being alive through the realization that I eventually learned to let go maybe some of the pain and the scars brought by the unexpected turn out of events and circumstance. The heck with it! Isn't life is full of surprises?

But, I must tell you that I hate surprises even though how fun and enjoyable it is. I think it does scares me to think that I might tend to overlooked the other side of things. For so many times, I'm afraid of speaking what's on my mind so far to stand in what you believe is right does cost anything at all. Being in the shadow of other people's expectations can be so grueling and it sucks. And for that reason I missed the fun knowing that even though doing some things doesn't really fun at all, we all deserve to be happy. Happiness is what we are. If we want to be happy is up to us. I believe that it is at this crucial times it must be self-imposed even with a smallest things that you can do your own way. If at the end of the day you haven't heard someone praise your work or the stuff that you do, be thankful still you are on the right track because not everyone's liking it and you have to expect it!



If one day you found yourself questioning God on whatever life leads you to, seize a moment and reflect there might something wrong with you...

I kept on recalling the other day the things I had encountered while on the way to the hospital. We had such a hard time on catching on the ride because some of the TAXI's doesn't want to take us in. That's the problem when you are residing a couple of miles from Metro Manila... People fond of demanding higher pays on all almost anything. As the usual part of the story, A good Samaritan was sent by the heavens and I was very pleased that our travel finally went pretty good. These are our everyday heroes. People who will come to meet us in an unexpected time and place. You have to learn to accept yourself, for what you are and for what you are not. People will try to change you, brainwash you that this is the right thing to do until you finally lost yourself. It shouldn't be that way. Don't let them be the judge. Don't let them take your soul. Your very soul to make a difference into this world. Forgive even the smaller details all the things that you can't hold on into yourselves. They are there for you to gather strengths out from that weaknesses. What if at the end of the day you are feeling unloved and lost? It might be that the physical heart is the most vulnerable part of the human body. We merely exists for the same valid reason that it never skips a beat whether we like it or not. Even in death it kept up its fight, it never cease.

Here's another thing if at the end of the day you haven't heard that someone likes you too, leave it. Again, don't be hard on yourself for creating false hopes and assumptions. You deserve someone much better than that, Moron! Shame on him! After all, you have nothing lose. The only thing that could be so hard is putting on that shoes everyday, walking around gazillion bunch of people all eyes on you as if everything is alright and you manage to make a laugh to patch the other side of you tearing apart. Remember, this world is a world of made-pretend better wear the toughest skin you can ever be. Sometimes, it's so easy to give these advices rather than to be the one seeking because not a quarter you can ever understand nor took the hurt just what that person going through not until you yourself goes through with it...


Therefore we do not give up, but even if the man we are outside is wasting away, certainly the man we are inside is being renewed from day to day. For though the tribulation is momentary and light, it works out for us a glory that is of more and more surpassing weight and is everlasting; while we keep our eyes, not on the things seen, but on the things unseen. For the things seen are temporary, but the things unseen are everlasting... 2 Cor. 4:16-18