This is me 6 years ago...

As a part of Throwback Thursday, I happen to took a snap of my old Flickr account out of nowhere. Somehow searching for a spark of new inspiration and ideas I've been longing for quite some time now.

This picture was taken in the last quarter in the year of 2006 where the weather is soaking wet and there's another monsoon approaching. I recently drop out from college after spending a semester in Psychology. I just had my second reconstructive operation both in my lower extremities and my self esteem was really low at that time. I really felt so behind and an outcast I must say. Obviously, I still didn't know how to Squidoo back then but I have those so-called a whatever day blog. 

Except from God, I only rely one person  in the planet for the strength to carry on literally and that is my Mom and of course there's siblings, relatives and friends. It's just so hard for me not to look back because it is what made me right now probably more a better person.

It is said that in times of need you always got your family behind your back. There's nothing truer words other than that. No matter where you came from, no matter what you have, no matter who treats you like a family.

I decided to post this picture not because I pitied myself but because I just want to give credit those people are always who are always backing me up.

When at times I forgot to say it out loud, you should know that I'm so thankful beyond words.

Time really flies. 

Don't mind me.

I've battling with such a terrible case of a writer's block or sort of a PMS streaming somewhere in my system  which I don't even know how long it will going to last. I've been worrying a lot in terms of dealing with people in general. They are really making me sick. Yep, I've been down for quite some time now as it is always been this sickening routine probably life is going to be this so unfair for me.

Anyway, moving on to that same old brand new story I just can't believe the year is almost over. As usual I probably won't make any resolutions this time around as I've always been. I just can't conform myself into something I can't done finishing. What a lesson learned. Aren't promises are made to be broken as the wise old saying goes. 

Still feeling crappy. Don't mind me. 

Namaste.

Random thoughts on being 26.

Being twenty six is not scary after all. The word not scary after all is too much to say as an understatement so don't get me wrong. When I was about six years old, I was told by some doctors that when I reached the age of ten I won't be able to walk again and there's a genetic bone disorder which is progressing in my system. It was the same old weary story that I have to live through until today.

I knew through it that I was born unique and special. Life was pretty much a struggle and it always been ever since. I almost got to the point where I self pity almost everyday of my life and frown at the things I wasn't capable of doing. It was terrible. I feel terribly sorry today for living into the shadows for such a long time due to the fact that I couldn't accept myself as I am. I guess, we all go through these phases of madness as we confront what life has to offer.

It is really indeed, life is full of surprises. Sometimes, it will caught you off guard being the person as you are towards certain issues you have deal with because you simply have no choice and it always seems to work that way.

Now I'm trying to let things go as it is because it is the only way I can freed myself from these chains of barriers that overshadowing myself and to the outside world. I know it always been easier said than done but I knew I am capable of doing it as the time goes by. Its just putting yourself in a best foot forward everyday hoping that it is going to be much brighter and hopeful than the last time.

I am true believer of second chances in life as long as you are living through what it really means rather than swearing things and you're pushing yourself to become the person you ought to be. I still need a lot of things change by the way of my thinking, developing enormous patience towards others and most especially not losing faith because for sure there's going to be a lot of hurtful things to be thrown on me in this life in the near future.

Now I'm gratefully praying for a more braver hearts and a few tears so I can go on everyday through this life like everyone else.

So, thanks to all who had been and still part of my life whether you had given me joy, sorrow and tears because that made me who I am today.

Me at 26 with a new spankin' haircut!

Making a Mountain Out of Mole Hill

This is probably my 83th posts ever in this free platform of blogs that blogger has to offer. Do I make sense? I admit. I’ve never been a persistent, objective, resourceful, incredible (and all the goody adjectives that you can think of) characteristics of a blogger which I’m really sorry and regret by the way. Yes, time flies swiftly! It was four year past since I first wrote here a few ramblings, mad rants and anything goes through me at the end of the day. It was plainly out of my necessity to come up with something where I can voice out all the angst, odd stories and bad hair days away from the eyes of my many judgmental critics. So far, I’m glad that I did make my fair share of crap published in the internet. Can anyone estimate the volumes of crappy-ness ever published in the internet? I wonder, do they ever think of creating a software to filter all the crappy-ness ever existed in the internet. For sure, Google won’t be surprise and it has an enough volumes of that to be indexed in algorithms. Please don’t sue me I’m pretty sure we’re all guilty of that.

It’s just that I’m such a sloth of posting entries nowadays. Surprisingly, I was running out of awesome-ness to tell about how it was like to be in the day of a life of me?! I’m still wearing the same clothes and still waking up to be the same person nothing much new really. I’m still sleeping in the same couch bed next to a nifty computer waiting to formulate new ideas pretty much a bunch of crap which I surprisingly I can go on make a living I guess in the span of 5 years or more (if I’m still alive) still got all the rubbish published and being indexed by Google. That would be an enough reason for me to celebrate the life I had in the internet. I didn’t wished to be a sensation or anything but we all do have our own share of freedom so let me used it the way I’d like to. I guess, this is the price I have to pay for too much information.

At times I’ve been wrongly accuse of complaining about life and all that jazz but the truth is that I pretty much well adjusted to the routines though it’s tough doing work which no one can ever understand except those trying to make a living out of something like I do. Yes, I love exaggerating things to the extent that life is not meant to live to be boring…

random musings

So many things still going on in my head right now can't find its way out. It is some sort of a feeling I tend to disregard for a couple of times. It pushes me away into a limit of something I didn't expected. There are things I should have learned to live from now on and I'm pretty sure it's not going to be easy after all the things are said and done. I'm tired. I'm restless as I can ever be. I'm freaking out with every little things as far as I'm concern. I'm totally out of the loop. Pretty much I'm a bit of everything. This emotional blackmail continues to unravel until it is taking it's toll on me. No. I'm not even giving up and I'm not even halfway through this journey.

Everything is just actually starting ever since I wake up. How can you be fully awake when you're actually not even asleep? How can you forget the things you really want to forget? How can you make a move when you haven't cross the line? How can you say you know me but you haven't see me? How can you say you'll be there if you haven't been here? How can you talk when you can't say nothing at all? How can it stop when it's actually just starting? How can I finish when I haven't been started? How can I let go when it's not yet fully over?

Complexities mostly come up to me everyday. It goes and it goes like a myriad sets of patterns and questions people often don't care of answering. Sometimes, it doesn't make sense to them. That's why they don't care. Good times.