breaking away from the monotony

Or should I say breaking away from the PAST and LET Go...

As I am writing this all the thoughts from the past years of experiences and battles seems coming through again in my head. It haunts me as it is forever be a part of me. Somewhere in this dark, cold and dump solitary confinement I had found the surest comfort that I could possibly find as well as hoping against hope that there’s got to be more to life than this. And it always caught me off guard.

Glad I’ve already gone through those years when it feels like everything is in a blur. Somehow the thing I called “madness” is eventually under control. I’m still the same small person in a little more tolerable on how life will throw at me at the end of the day. People can be disappointing at times or neither have I tended to overlook my own shortcomings on either way. I guess we all do have that baggage we still can’t let go. So did I.

Sometimes, I wish to wake up as a different person the next day. Wishing I can do all the things that life withholds in the past few years that is being snatch from me.

You may call it past grievances. I grieve for the lost time. I grieve for the years. I grieve for having this limitation. I grieve for the pain I cause while I’m finding my way in believing in myself that eventually I can put the pieces back together and work on my recovery. I grieve for one person who contributes to my well being that passed away years ago but it always brings back the smile to my face knowing the legacy he has left. I guess, there will come a person in our life maybe a stranger, an old familiar face, possibly a loved one who will inspire you and change your life forever not necessarily in a romantic manner.

That is why how they say; people come and go but those you find special always find a way to stay in heart...

A Touch of Nature Snapshot

A lonely flower from the corner... :-)

Everyday ordinary rants

Feeling slightly detached today though I really don’t know where all the crappy-ness streaming out somewhere in my system. I’ve secluded myself into some sort of a bubble for quite some time now.

This is my life. Sounds like a self-affirmation. So be it.

I should’ve known better that this routine was synonymous to none other than loneliness though no one ever notices it as the passing of the day.

I’m trying not to over psyche myself that working at home has finally taking its toll on me inevitably. For once in my life I woke up for something I can hold on to but in case like this it seems like I’ve booked myself into a self exiled island where life is pretty much like the day after tomorrow.

Days come and it goes. A myriad of cycles I’m still tied up into this cave. All is bound to change except me or I can barely notice it.

On the other hand, if there are pains definitely there comes the gain in all this. I tried to believe so. I’m way past of the things I tried to worked on in the past few months so far it is smoothly going on its way where it’s supposed to be. I’m trying to figure out the sense of doing this ‘art’ for quite a long time now.

Probably, I’ll need to plan out another goal or new niche in the coming days that is.

Now I’m tired and it’s time to rest my case.

What's the deal?

You just know when a bad case of procrastination and too much sleep hits in you so I'll be better off clean a huge mass of old photos in my hard drive to post it here.

Somewhere in the early 90's

Unmotivated 20 Questions

Feels like I’ve woke up in the wrong side of bed today though on a positive note I fully attain the long hours of sleep last night. Once again, I’m grappling for an ounce of motivation or something that I could hold on to but so far things are under control.

For a long time I’m anticipating this to happen every time this time of the year arrives feels like the day started and ends it as it comes. Nothing much remarkable things to astound you about, it’s something like a PMS or a writer’s block episode on its way. I guess, I should have known better. This is my life, a malleable reality in either way that is.

So, without further ado I happened to snap some questionnaires to someone else’s blog. I probably should do this from now on.

What’s the last sporting event you watched on TV?
Pacman and Mosley fight last Sunday. It was a no sweat fight for Pacquaio.

The world could do without:
heartless and indifferent people

What is the farthest you have ever been from home?
I’ve never been away from home ever. I’m agoraphobic, come on.

Four sports teams you like:
Chicago Bull, LA Lakers, Houston Rockets, Boston Celtics

What is your favourite kind of cereal?
Just plain and simple.

What is it time for right now?
trying to have a breather in a tad bit.

You wake up and discover that it's a rainy, dreary day out. Does this affect your attitude at all or do you tend to stay happy no matter what the weather is doing?
I always enjoy the rain and the cool temperature as it cools my head off from the side tracks of life. Though all in all I can stay in pajamas all day.

What is the best way to spend a Sunday afternoon?
working on to set up a blog, squidoo and online projects

What is your favorite appetizer?
Potato chips and soups

Why did you pick the outfit you have on?
I’m a random person I usually wear what’s available in my closet.

How sensitive are you to cool temperatures?
I can tolerate any kind of weather but not that extreme temperature..

What's your favorite blanket like?
a soft pink with a cartoon character printed on..

What is/was your maternal grandfather's name?
Victor

Are you scared of bees?
Nope. Just don’t make the bees flew in my direction.. 

How many lurkers do you think you have that read your blog, but never comment? Have you ever been successful at getting them to say hello? Do you mind the lurking? Are you a lurker? Or do you try and comment every time you visit?
I’ve never been interested to know, honestly. Never done blogging as much as regularly before and never interested in anyone comments but if there are I really appreciate it. Most of those people who wrote me comments are those who I usually keep in touch with online in the online work.

Desktop or laptop?
I have a mini laptop about 8.9 inch that use in typing, researching, and all the music stuff. I’m wanting to own a desktop in though in the future.

What is your favorite kind of cheese?
Cheddar cheese.. the one with soft and creamier taste.

What is the oldest thing you own?
old photos from childhood and my parents, a cabbage patch doll, my dad’s general psychology book

How did your car get that little scratch/dent? (Because let’s face it, we ALL have car stories, right?)
I don’t own one. The car I’ve been using in college all went straight to sale. I miss those days.

Which would you rather do: the dusting or the vacuuming?
I prefer dusting off the dirt.. with a broom.

-Reposted (a supposed entry from yesterdays disappeared because of blogger's glitch)

Enjoying Life’s Ride and Disabilities through Blogging Against Disablism Day (BADD DAY)

Needless to say, I almost found myself amaze how years gone by and being ever so thankful that I’m still here alive and kicking and writing and sharing about disablism for almost three years now. Woot.

It’s been a crazy ride so far, a roller coaster ride of emotion that is. There are days where I just can easily get over the hype over the realities that times are changing, accepting the things I can do and I can’t do and that people in general do change on how they react on your disability and the best way to deal with it is to go on with the flow.

I believe that we are into this life having that unique way of living on how we carry ourselves, on how we try to conform ourselves into compromising events and ever changing situations towards non able-ness and eventually pushing ourselves to the limit up to our certain fixed points.

It is said that the human body has its own way of healing so having that capacity were capable of enduring pain and suffering somehow. For the most part, we feared not because of the suffering but by certain realities that life can never be the same again after a calamity. It left us often struck and downhearted as our life is being overshadowed by doubts and fear.

Though how many times we stumble and fall, it always lead us to the point of self-awakening that probably there’s a reason in everything behind this crap mentality. The only consolation I try to believe in just to console myself before I go to sleep. And even though it’s more a cliché as it sounds it just makes me want to believe more that eventually we’re going to find ourselves despite our handicaps and there are those who just found God.

I already discussed before some sour note of statistics of persons with disability or also known as PWD and the implication of disablism in the different aspects of my life. This time around I will not try question the universe or God into something I already done past with because I already know the reason why I'm still here and that is because we continue this fight towards life even if things gets blurry and aren't worth fighting for.

There aren't so much to say anymore aside from I'm just trying live my life and let go and let God...