Somniphobia

More often than not, I should’ve known that there’s a fine line between sleep deprivation and the phobia of not able to wake up before you can even sleep.

Pretty much I tend to over psyche myself in the run of days after days, weeks and after weeks and months and after months. I know this should not be the case. Feels like I’m tied up somewhere literally in this chair with all these thinking thoughts seems to haunt me in every single time of the day. Sounds like a creepy me but that is what it is.

This time of the year I’m working on setting goals for me towards life general so I admit it really was a terrible mistake sometimes you can’t hold on the things that your heart is longing for in life in general like in secular work even if you worked really hard for it in either way it could make or break you. Worst of all, it can applied for people too. People are people. Sometimes, things don’t work out.

All throughout the day is what a struggle. I’m struggling to cope with little distractions and anxieties coming my way to focus on the brighter side of life, the simple pleasures that can easily make me smile and knowing that I can still have the chance to wake up another day seeing my Mom being there by my side.

When I was asked about finding the greener pasture, all that came to my mind is that there’s no greater greener pasture other than being with someone (not always applied in a romantic way!) who gave up something in their life just to be with you. This could be a parent, a family member or one particular person you owe a lot to be the person you are now. This is what this limitation brought me to thinking not to take anyone for granted for life is so fragile and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life I haven’t done anything at least to appreciate and bring back to Jehovah all the gratitude that this life has to offer. His immense understanding for all the things that concerns me is somehow comforts me when the battle becomes too weary. I know every battle is not ours only to bear for without HIM we are nothing. No one can stand. We are a mile far from perfection not even this system.

Psalm 139: 23-24:

Search through me, O God and know my heart
examine me and know my disquieting thoughts

And see whether there is in me any painful way
and lead me in the way of time indefinite.

So to end this on a positive, if thinking thoughts is what keeps me sane in this cynical world so be it. At least for now that is all I can do and let me write all this stuff until everything clears.

Just Go On.

And that explains it...

I'm gonna make it mine. Yes, I'll make it all mine! [Jason Mraz]

Just heard this song for a couple of times on a random playlist. I just thought to posr this as a perfect jump start more like a motivation to stop myself from procrastinating most of the time.

I don't know why I am easily got tired of working on some of my online projects and that just makes me wanting more to sleep. Though don't get me wrong life is pretty much has been good to me all through these years.

I just feel blessed that I'm still here doing the things I truly love amidst the all the difficulties to work on the things I really needed instead of wanting it.

Who said it would be that easy? I should have known and yet I'm still learning my way to get there and grasp the fruits of labor that I worked on in the past 3 years of working online and maintain that level of sanity! :)

Wake up everyone
How can you sleep at a time like this
Unless the dreamer is the real you

Listen to your voice
The one that tells you
To taste past the tip of your tongue
Leap in, the net will appear

I don't wanna wake before
The dream is over
I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I, I know it

I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I'll make it all mine

I keep my life on a heavy rotation
Requesting that it's lifting you up, up, up and away
And over to a table at the Gratitude Cafe

And I am finally there
And all the angels they'll be singing
Ah la la la, ah la la la
I la la la la love you

I don't wanna break before
The tour is over
I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I, I'll own it

I'm gonna make it mine
Yes I'll make it all mine

And timing's everything
And this time there's plenty
I am balancing
Careful and steady
And reveling in energy that everyone's emitting

Well I don't wanna wait no more
Oh I wanna celebrate the whole world
I'm gonna make it mine
Oh yes I'm following your joy

I'm gonna make it mine
Because I, I am open
I'm gonna make it mine
That's why, I will show it

I'm gonna make it mine
Gonna make it mine
Oh mine
Yes I'll make it all mine

Making a Mountain Out of Mole Hill

This is probably my 83th posts ever in this free platform of blogs that blogger has to offer. Do I make sense? I admit. I’ve never been a persistent, objective, resourceful, incredible (and all the goody adjectives that you can think of) characteristics of a blogger which I’m really sorry and regret by the way. Yes, time flies swiftly! It was four year past since I first wrote here a few ramblings, mad rants and anything goes through me at the end of the day. It was plainly out of my necessity to come up with something where I can voice out all the angst, odd stories and bad hair days away from the eyes of my many judgmental critics. So far, I’m glad that I did make my fair share of crap published in the internet. Can anyone estimate the volumes of crappy-ness ever published in the internet? I wonder, do they ever think of creating a software to filter all the crappy-ness ever existed in the internet. For sure, Google won’t be surprise and it has an enough volumes of that to be indexed in algorithms. Please don’t sue me I’m pretty sure we’re all guilty of that.

It’s just that I’m such a sloth of posting entries nowadays. Surprisingly, I was running out of awesome-ness to tell about how it was like to be in the day of a life of me?! I’m still wearing the same clothes and still waking up to be the same person nothing much new really. I’m still sleeping in the same couch bed next to a nifty computer waiting to formulate new ideas pretty much a bunch of crap which I surprisingly I can go on make a living I guess in the span of 5 years or more (if I’m still alive) still got all the rubbish published and being indexed by Google. That would be an enough reason for me to celebrate the life I had in the internet. I didn’t wished to be a sensation or anything but we all do have our own share of freedom so let me used it the way I’d like to. I guess, this is the price I have to pay for too much information.

At times I’ve been wrongly accuse of complaining about life and all that jazz but the truth is that I pretty much well adjusted to the routines though it’s tough doing work which no one can ever understand except those trying to make a living out of something like I do. Yes, I love exaggerating things to the extent that life is not meant to live to be boring…

The Best Things in Life are FREE

It’s a way past the new years where everyone gets giddy and I’m supposed to compose something to stop myself from bothering whatsoever. Then I thought I better not make a resolution this time around feels like every day for me becomes a major resolution for all the things I’m wishing for, worked for, hoped for and ever cared for. Pretty much an emotional roller coaster ride, mishaps adventures and blessings in disguise all rolled into one rocked my 2010. Though the best way to end it is by counting down the things I’ve always been grateful for because it is what makes the person I am today so far the better version of me. As much as I’ve never mentioned before that I eventually learned to appreciate the little things in life like what they say, the best things in life are free.

It’s never too late to learn the art of forgiving yourself, laughing at yourself and for having that tolerance in dealing with people no matter what they would cast on you. It’s always been nice to be a hopeful dreamer even if things won’t go your way there will always a plenty of room for improvement. Just know your passion and that you are born for a certain purpose whether you know it or not right away eventually things will reveal in God’s time. Life is never meant to be a smooth sailing journey but roads that are full of dirt, rocks and narrow roads that are sometimes cold and dark outside. That is when you have to muster up, find the courage and trust the guts you have inside that you can carry on. Yes, definitely it’s a tough road but once you cross the line and find your place into sun that is when you will become alive. It’s not that I’ve been dead for many years ago but as the years past and as you become years older and wiser, you will just know what I am talking about, I bet you!

Just go for it! Strike while the iron is hot…

Remember no disability and rejection can ever stop you from reaching your goals and hone your craft in the best way you can do who knows it could be the next bestselling masterpiece in the making. Though I’ve been there that road before, I was broke and about to close the doors towards myself and in everything that came in my life whether that can help me to cope with the disability nor contribute in my growth as an individual. Now I just feel blessed to be surrounded by an awesome support group ever in my life and having to know that Jehovah exists that we are just a piece of clay that is needed to be molded by HIM. This time I don’t have to question. This time I don’t want to ask. This time I understand.

I guess, that’s the way it is everything comes in a perfect timing and the best thing in living this life is that we always have an option and choices to make. When one door closes in one way or another door will definitely opens you’ll never know there’s always an endless possibility.

This time let me stick to my goals first and let’s see what happens next…