a dozen broken friendships

Aren't promises for keeps and not meant to be broken? Sadly, things happen on contrary. For the most part in any relationship no matter how you tried to patch it up, work it out, make the most of it suddenly it wasn't feel right. You will just know the feeling that there's something going on and out of the blue that someone walks away.



The same way happen to friendships that suddenly blooms in your circle of friends. There are times when it seems like you have nothing to fear because finally there is someone who took all the guts to stand up and fight for you. Someone who appreciate you as a person and accepted you even the darkest of all the skeletons in your closet.

If I could summed up all the friendships I made in this lifetime I can say that I really tried though I've never been an open book to anyone. It's not that I didn't trust anybody. I tried to believe that people in general that comes on our way serves something on purpose. Somehow, they are like gifts I learned to treasure on the same purpose that how often I wish they will stay forever here on my side.

But at the end of it all you only got yourself to depend on. There's no use in wasting all your time pondering why things happen and suddenly it all started out to shutdown the life you had already established socially. Life should never stop from where you're at.

Life is strange at times.

Sometimes, you never know what people want these days.

A lasting friendship in need or in deed?

Monday Wa-Fi

Broadband as in no broader connection! Is that what it stands for? Geez! It is giving me so much crap these days. Pretty much my so-called “jobs” are all online so why I have to be the one to suffer this loss of connectivity.

I’ve been writing paid articles for almost a year now believe it or not. I’ve written a bunch out there. Some are a bunch of rubbish and some are quite good (to what I call) for my own pleasure. Well, some find it informative and others find it very elementary. That’s okay.

That is why I can see the greater demands of Wi-fi… as in wireless LAN! Just imagine what if every street in Manila there’s a wi-fi… Wow, it’s going to be much expensive. Anyway, forget all my qualms… I’m not pointing fingers here. It just boils into one thing, I hate things messing up. I don’t know why. Uhhmmm...

I think I’m becoming very much an obsessive compulsive checking my mail, dashboard freak, holding this old cranky laptop.. I don't know. I just love how things going on my way.

I remember how I used to cram every time these time of the week arrives and I end up dreaming it would be Friday again. I don't know. I just feel lost sitting between the whole crowd of people my age.. Like I always use to up today. I always thought I was different. That's one thing, I'm sure.

This is a pretty mixed up world I'm living in. You live, you learn! Yeah, yeah.. Coming from an Alanis Morisette song in the mid 90's I just love that angry sound chick. She sounds very angry at that time... But I don't think so. No being angry is outdated now. I think she's being so emo. Anyway..

When you are about to start your week its a good thing you have to start it in a good vibe for the whole weekdays to be followed. It is something I heard from older generation.. Why not? We all deserve a good week days. We can make it. Be productive. Say what you want to say. Do what you want to do. Start it right.

Of course, it should start first in yourself.. Oh, gosh. Talking about yourself to feel good.. here's 50 good things about me: (shhhh, just don't tell anyone I know)

1.) I don't sleep with my eyes fully shut.
2.) I can sleep both with lights on and off.
3.) When I was in 2nd grade I won in a Spelling Bee and I remember I spelled "w-e-a-t-h-e-r" and I was the only one got it right.
4.) I can type even without looking at the keys on my keyboard like a speed of marching ants.
5.) I don't easily get a joke.
6.) I'm more like a cat lover. But I don't want to be away with my dogs especially my only one best friend "Inno".
7.) I can stand listening to classical.. Like songs in the birth of my parents. Best year songs ever made!
8. I can't easily sleep unless I condition my mind to sleep.
9. I'm an obsessive compulsive dashboard checker.. I know you all do.
10. I love being spiritual rather being religious. Spiritual in a sense I have something to reserve for myself because I don't want to be shun I usually does speak my mind because that's how God made us with free-will to choose.
11. Yeah, I love to chat most of the time.. I'm usually very much a timid speaker in person.. I love having a few small conversation and okay meeting people as well.
12. I don't celebrate Christmas, birthdays, any non biblical based celebration. But I love receiving gifts at times. Don't hesitate! :)
13. I got a lot of phobias. I'm a self-confessed agoraphobic.. basically, the fear of being left out in an unfamiliar places or leaving home. Ewww.. Feels like I want to cry.
14. I love watching Asian chick flicks. Though not the romantic side but on the characters.. come on, I am Asian.
15. I'm not afraid in ghost or supernatural.
16. I have a natural straight black jet hair but when I get a little older it started to get wavy and curly.. oh, gosh. It's hard to maintained so I just got Rebonded.
17. I use to scratch my head when I feel so uneasy or well just answering questions.. like right now. See?
18. My mom use to be my English adviser when I was in 4th grade in elementary.
19. I'm easily bugged with what other people say.
20. I usually wear PJ's while working on my Squidoo pages.. Aren't they a nice work suit?
21. I am easily get caught up when telling a lie. I can't hide my evil smile.. I don't know. It appears.
22. I'm really working hard for my dream mac laptop.
23. I think I am more a twitter user than before because I am more wiser now.
24. I can speak and write fluently in Tagalog.
25. I am using more my Right Brain because I'm a word nerd.
26. My favorite meal almost everyday is rice.
27. I've never experience to sleep in a luxurious hotel.
28. I undergone three major surgeries in my two lower extremities: 2 feet and 2 knees. The first one in 2002. The second one in 2006. The recent is just this year.
29. I have two dearly love younger sisters named Natalie Angela and Neriza. Our names started in letter N after my mom's name.
30. I love drinking Lingzhi coffee at late hours.
31. I'm a Psychology undergrad.
32. About to plan my next cyber-crime as an international spy or maybe I'm your number one stalker you never know.
33. I went to see Twilight. Oh, Edward. I'm always fascinated by vampires stories ever since I read Anne Rice's novels.
34. I can't play any instrument.
35. Sometimes I feel like talking nonsense just for the fun of it.
36. I realize that "how are you?" is an overrated question to ask. How can you say you are okay if you are not.
37. I have a fear of losing a loved-one.
38. I do counting sheeps just to fall asleep.
39. Sometimes I really cried so hard.
40. I have a habit over-thinking it helps me to stressed out what is inside.
41. Obviously, I spend much time in the internet.
42. I'm a bookworm since birth.. The first Disney book I read is "Pinocchio" and of course "My Book of Bible Stories".
43. My favorite Bible verse is Revelation 21:4.
44. I hate gibberish numbers. So, I hate math!
45. What else? I live in Asia. Somewhere here in the Philippines to a city called "Caloocan".
46. I don't usually talk much in person.
47. I have my own world at times.
48. I'm different. I'm special.
49. I love Squidooing most of the time!
50. Yehey, and most of all I am a Giant Squid.

Note to Readers!

As much as possible I'm trying to be a little more upbeat though with all these weather jazz makes me feel sick all over again. But, I wouldn't let it stop me. Promise! No more too emotional posts this time. I've been all the way through these things all over again and there some stuff I could never change no matter what I do. If things will still work out I'll be posting some thoughts on these blog about whatever. Let's just call it "randomize" from a scatterbrained. I was browsing through some past entries on my previous blogs somehow it paved a way some sort of a healing process for me. This is my journey. This is my battle -- I've been sticking for almost like years now.

I have no intention to change anything what I have started. I think this is great about blogging you have the chance retrieve everything you have put into what you have written and later on, disregard it. I am telling you, it really makes you feel better as the time goes by. You wouldn't know who in the world can get into your page who knows you might encrypt a deeper impact. I just beg your pardon on errors you'll find in my part if it either be my opinions(agree or disagree?), perspective, spelling, grammar or whatever that is! Please don't condemn me...

Share your thoughts. Don't be afraid. Let's live life.

Thanks to you (whoever reading this blog right now). Now it is my pleasure.

major financial sabotage, oh well!

As I am typing this post for the umpteenth time I'm continually wishing for this cranky laptop not to shutdown. I really feel helpless as my mind swirling around for ideas I haven't come up with anything fabulous at this hour because I badly needed it. I know, how much this dumb machine means to me -- like "this is my life right now" and it always will.. Thank you Mr. Cooler! For those who haven't knew who Mr. Cooler is.. It's the guy underneath every laptop which enable to cool off laptops. Well, that's explain it under my own assertive knowledge and the best of my ability. So, what's with the way I talk today. Nothing. Period. I always talked this way though not so obvious.

Oh, well what can I do. The money that I earned in for a year went out in the drain for some reasons I allowed it half-heartedly. I really didn't expect how in the world I will regret it in the end of it all. Here I am feeling miserable using this CRAP! It crash down every single minute.. and it easily heats up and I really do need PATIENCE! How the heck I'm gonna earn it all within a month? I just don't like to be dependent to anyone for providing a replacement. DARN! Sorry I'm really pissed off. But that is all words. After all, it much better to ramble it here than all of a sudden I explode. There it soothes me. Finally I can breathe again. Shhh Shhh

Everything is a matter of timing. I felt so unsure how things will work out with some of the issues unfortunately surrounding me.. No, "unfortunately" is not a proper word. Is there a word much pathetic than that? I'm not like that. Though I often sound like I'm the worst in the world. Not really. No matter how life treated me I see to it I had the soundest laugh in the morning. The worst part of existence is merely a matter you have to deal with if you have no choice. So, I'm still the grandest thing, ever!