Cats and coffee is a perfect combo.

It's the time of the year again as much as I cringe the coming of these season I just can't believe we only got one or two days left before the end of 2012 (2013 feels like I'm not ready yet!).

Although having said that, haven't been here for quite awhile but I've always been here, there and everywhere. Cats and coffee is pretty much my best refuge these days. Does that make a perfect combo? Cats are chaotic sometimes and coffee stirs you up until you palpitate and gets you motivated to stay up all night and write. Did I say I'm such a night owl. In the finest hour of the night where everyone was asleep, I found myself puzzled weary why am I doing this for. It is given that I really need to work harder than anybody else I tried to rest my head to that thought. Whatever happens happens.

I feel much better today that I got the chance to get in touch again with special people in my life as it was supposed to be in the beginning. It's just that it is really hard to reach out especially when the gap is as almost as hard as the Great Wall of China I barely can get through. All I can do is to knock it out with all the strength that I have until it crack the surfaces at least to stop myself from breaking down. You cannot blame me when it comes to family it always tears me apart to the point of nervous breakdown. As it always been full of intermittent drama that is never ending. You should expect it.

This year is what a roller coaster ride of emotion. There are days feels like everything is so slow and there are days you really want to call it a day. Also, there are days feels like it easily gets into me so I ended up being tired getting stuck into this bubble or to what they call four corners. The routine can really burn you out to the extreme but so far that just me exaggerating things in my own perspective.

So consider this post as the usual everyday random rant post happens in the wee hours just to free my thoughts and to let go what is needed to let go at the end of the day.

Namaste. 

Sort of a quarter life crisis in the making for a twenty six years old

I admit it. I've been stuck in the rut for quite awhile now. Nostalgia just hits me today unlike any other day the impact was all so great that I just can't stop questioning myself, what I've been doing here? Where do I go from here? Sort of a quarter life crisis in the making for a twenty six years old like me (turning twenty seven years old two months from now) in this so-called earth. I'll let you know the reason once I found out why.

Then there's this things that are not just like before. Anyway, what do I expect I'm living in 2012 and a week from now it will be a new year. This is not the 90's or ending of the millenia anymore. Reality do sucks as much you are trying to find the escape it will haunt you in the face. For a long years now, I've been trying to create my own world where dreams have wings and it can fly like I can do anything that is possible. Now I woke up to that dream world that there's this certain limitation I have it on me. Why can't I be like anybody else?

Don't get me wrong but most physically challenge people like us feels that at a certain point in our lives. For a moment it took awhile for us to find our own wings to soar high. Though I only have a simple wish or you may call it a dream and that is to see the my loved ones especially my mother having a fulfilled life. She didn't ask me for anything but I feel I need to work out more for her. No matter how I can get in my online work somehow just to help her make both ends meet I would do anything for her. Forgive me for being too emotional writing this today. It's just that the feeling is so overwhelming that I couldn't even hold back my tears. I've battled so many issues in my life for most of the time it was a roller coaster ride. Sometimes it takes me up and just like today it takes me down I can no longer find my worth.

I know it is not how things supposed to be that way. Sooner or later, this too shall pass as if I'll be able to find my own worth again.

Weekend Snapshots.

I will miss you, Blanket. May you rest in peace. 12/15/12

Just done sewing some pajamas.

Getting up, update Squidoo, blogging, nap, watching movie online, nursing a dying cat, sew some pajamas... Pretty much that is how my day like on a weekend. 

Tell me about yours.

Don't mind me.

I've battling with such a terrible case of a writer's block or sort of a PMS streaming somewhere in my system  which I don't even know how long it will going to last. I've been worrying a lot in terms of dealing with people in general. They are really making me sick. Yep, I've been down for quite some time now as it is always been this sickening routine probably life is going to be this so unfair for me.

Anyway, moving on to that same old brand new story I just can't believe the year is almost over. As usual I probably won't make any resolutions this time around as I've always been. I just can't conform myself into something I can't done finishing. What a lesson learned. Aren't promises are made to be broken as the wise old saying goes. 

Still feeling crappy. Don't mind me. 

Namaste.

Weekend Food Snapshots.

Graham Tiramisu and Banana Turon Photo Food Mosaic
All the recipe featured here are courtesy of my moody twenty five year old middle sister.

I thought it is more fitting to tell you how my day went was. Life has not always been that grand but it's great to enjoy moments where simple things can really make a difference to your day unbelievably. I've been dealing for quite some time with people's different idiosyncrasies which by the way I really can't stand. Anyways, it is not something to be taken personally so don't get me wrong.

Okay, I'm a kill joy. Deal with it. 

Thank God for Wifi's

I don't know why. 

It's been a long time for me to come up with words to filled up this cold and empty space in the blogosphere.

I should have listen to myself more often to sit and write here whenever I have the time. I'm just too caught up with the things going on in real life. Most of the time, it is getting more complicated that I better wear the toughest skin as ever. Such is life!

Anyways, the laptop is firing up long hours as I am catching up a series of new episodes of The Walking Dead and New Girl as well simultaneously every week. Yeah, I'm a sucker for zombies. Plus, these hot new Korean dramas and movies are totally enticing for me lately. I have no other way to survive these whole week of online work routines (thank God for wifi's!) as the television broke just a couple of months ago. Yes, it's not a big deal after all.

I'm totally pumped up that everything is on the internet nowadays. I remember watching movies in a VHS tape on weekends after preparing all my lessons and assignments for school which became an addiction and a habit at the same time. The availability is in our hands with just one click away anything is possible with technology. Everything is fast pace and even in learning you can educate yourself with the things you have never known before. How fascinating.

Looking back at life down memory lane, it was such a great learning experience where you can do nothing but to appreciate and embrace the simplicity of life where the kids of today may not have the chance to experience. I guess, generation differs after generation. A cycle that we all got into whether we are aware or not. But most of the time we want to break free from the chaos. 

I admit I'm very fond of nostalgia as it hits me from time to time again. It is the kind of feeling of holding onto the memories of the past no matter how complicated the present as it never changes and it always been hiding inside of you. It all may sound too cliche but it is what it was and it will be. A feeling that something or someone has been lost but there's nothing to be regretful actually. 

When I think about all this by now, feels I'm talking like a different person. We are all changing for a lot of possible reasons most of the time we aim for growth as an individual because we can't always be the same person like we were just yesterday. 

Although to me everything feels like just yesterday. It all comes into a blur that everything happens so fast that I might not even know what I did in a matter of days, weeks or years. 

We will never know. God only knows. 

Silent No More

I NEVER tend to hate hate.

It's just that I'm too caught up with all these so many emotional turmoil from here and there that I barely didn't notice how much space it eaten up my time and attention to the extent of a nervous breakdown (don't worry I'm still far from being insane!). So far, real life can really be too disappointing at times. Well, same old story and issues nothing new. It is not supposed to be that way though it lingers. No matter how much I ignore what some people say about it is still bothersome. I guess, it is their problem anyway. I don't care.

For so many times I lost my own voice to voice out whatever emotion I felt during on a day to day basis whether I am angry, sad nor even when I'm at my most upbeat spirits. Now I just realize what about me letting go of this fear of standing to what I believe in no matter what would people say in my circles. Maybe because I'm the one who is more understanding, tolerant and careless towards anyone who would asked me any favor. So to speak, I just go on with the flow of things even if it makes everything worse. I do give myself a credit for that.

It just so hard to explain that sometimes I really do need space for me to grow and let go of these whatever that I need to voice out. I also do get angry at times but that doesn't mean I took grudges of anyone whenever I need to be myself. If you're not with me to the things that I say, well it is just fine for me. I don't hold your right to express the things you ought to say. We all goes through certain phases in our life when we need to spend some time alone for self reflection, meditation and even cast out the angst whatever your heart tells you. That's the same thing with crying. Crying doesn't really mean you are weak because people do cry for various reasons. But most of the time, we do cry for holding on to the pain or whatever that is for so long.

It is part of human existence. As a matter of fact, I do love to experience all that emotion in my lifetime to distinguish from one emotion to the other. But that doesn't mean I'm crazy. I'm just a weirdo. Mostly, it is just my way of embracing my skin, my uniqueness, quirkiness, vulnerability, flaws and everything that makes me human.

I am probably disabled in the outside but in my own world feels like there's so many things I need to do like learn a new art, places to explore, maybe pursue a new career, or write more lenses as always. I am a modern day dreamer dreaming of a wings so I can fly to somewhere I've never been before. Some say, it's not to late that if you are really wanted something why don't you give it a shot.

Remember, losers are only quitters. 

Currents

date: 11/05/2012

location:     obviously at home
eating:        Tuyo (dried fish) on top of a warm rice
drinking:     plenty of COFFEE and a glass of iced water
enjoying:    distance learning, blogging stuff, writing on Wizzley, HubPages and Squidoo
listening:     a random playlist from Linkin Park, OPM (Original Pinoy Music) to Tori Amos
wishing:      the major renovation of the house continues and be able pay the remaining mortgage.
thinking:     of sleeping earlier than 12MN or maybe not.. It depends.
making:      a mountains out of a mole hill.. just kidding! Working on my newest lens, hubs or wizz..
                   or else finish all my Math exercises.. I hate Math.
feeling:       sick of PMS, sleepy, sad, nostalgic pretty much lately.. kinda tired too.
loving:        watching my cats and dogs sleep beside me in the couch while blogging.