Can't find my focus.

My heart is continually skipping a beat as I'm busy nursing at home one of my sick cat the whole day. It is kinda tiring as I can't focus myself on some other things. Every pet in the house becomes a family to me so no matter how chaotic they are at times I am often on their side. I guess, for every joys, ups and downs and winning and losing, they are always there for me and loving me unconditionally. I hope he gets better soon.

Life is never been that grand for me lately coming from an average middle class family and having an estranged OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker) father that makes my family struggling during the end of the month which a few people knew that. It just so hard keeping up with the tides of time where you really have to fit yourself and find your place under the sun. I got no job aside from working on in my computer with a few crappy articles and designs where I've never been good at it. I really don't want my disability to be an excuse here.

I know how much this too shall pass as I keep moving forward and continue the things I had started on. As much as possible I'm trying to keep everything to myself as positive as possible even the stuff that I wrote here but it is what it is. At some point in our life, we have to go through these series of phase of hardships no matter what you call it.

Hakuna Matata. 

A lovely quote from Bob Marley

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. 

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. 

Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. 

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. 

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. 

You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” 

- Bob Marley

(Very inspirational. You're the man!) 

Too tired to think.

Probably, it must have something to do with the weather. It's kinda lame, lazy and lethargic to begin with all the fuzz of the day. The heavy thunder storms in the afternoon is too much to handle. 

This post is supposed to be posted yesterday but the connection has been on and off. I'm working on diversifying online income these days so I'm managing my time although I blame procrastination at times. 

Well, that's life! I'll be back. :)

Here I am again?!

Finally, I'm back in my personal writing space.. I've been blog-less for quite some time now. I just don't know what to write anymore. Feels like nothing much new though as I turn around so many things has changed. Some for the better and some for worse but not really.

I'm just trying to exaggerate things as I have the tendency to think irrational. I am on my own sort of bubble at times where no one can comprehend. I'm pretty much weird, huh?!

Being the person that I am living one day at a time is never a big issue. I just go on with the day whatever goes through with it. Always expect the unexpected. A roller coaster ride of emotion seems also a struggle from day to day. I just don't let anyone ruin what I had started during that day no matter how good or bad it is.

Now as I am writing this the wifi is currently acting up its connection so I have to save it as a file so I won't start all over again.

There you go, these same old brand new issues more of like a quarter life crises in the making here, there and everywhere. Plus, online work is not working very well lately these past few months. I hope this storm will pass us through as I'm really trying my best to diversify and all that jazz but not an easy thing to do. It would take a lot of work. You have to stick to your goal and be consistent with it so that later on you will reap the fruits of your labor.

Giving up is never in my vocabulary, hopefully I won't eat the my word coming out of my big mouth. I also tried to do some art these days although I've never been the artsy fartsy person I'm telling you my passion and desire was there. I'm kidding about myself but it is true.

Yes, that's the wonders of self promotion right there. I'm hoping I can sustain in this business of kissing ass or should I say kicking ass.. This is nothing personal it is just a job that happens to be in the internet where I live and breathe in the past five years and it is going to be my sixth year this year. How time flies.

Well, I have no any other way. So I beg your pardon if it all sounds so plain and boring to you. This is my life so I'm living it and I've learned to deal with it. Oy!

Fire and Rain

I've always been a big fan of Oldies but Goodies type of songs. It feels good. 

Fire and Rain 
by James Taylor either Carole King

Just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone.
Suzanne, the plans they made put an end to you.
I walked out this morning and wrote down this song,
I just can't remember where to send it to.
I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end.

I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I'd see you again.


Won't you look down upon me, Jesus, You've got to help me make a stand.
You've just got to see me through another day.
My body's aching and my time is at hand and I won't make it any other way.
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end.
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I'd see you again.

Been walking my mind to an easy time, my back turned towards the sun.

Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around.

Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things to come.

Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end.

I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend,

but I always thought that I'd see you baby, one more time again, now.

Thought I'd see you one more time again.

There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now.

Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you, fire and rain, now.

Cough.

I felt sick with a runny nose and all on a hot summer days is so terrible. How can this be? I'm only spending my days inside my tunnel as I've never been anywhere lately. Cough. Phlegm. Boredom. 

Anyway, tomorrow is another day. 

Enjoy my Macha sleeping in my pillows and sheets.

xoxo

20 Random Questions

What a yucky day.

These saga of maddening heat continues that will probably last until next month or so. I've never been anywhere these days aside from keeping myself busy with online class or work vice versa. Things are getting so redundant for me nowadays. Anyways, I happen to stole some random 20 Questions on someone else's blog. Are y'all ready?

1) Name 5 things you don't care about.

First of all, other people's crap sometimes it's much better not to care too much at all. Second, having an Instagram account or an Android phone. Third, not going on vacation anywhere. Fourth, being underestimated by certain people in my life. Lastly, being left alone at home with my four cats.

2) I wish I could stop:

This scorching heat that becoming so unbearable these days. I feel so sweaty all over my face. I just hate working online in this warm weather.

3) What is your favorite kind of peanut butter?

I always love the crunchy one.

4) Pick a color that best represents your mood today.

I'm loving the color blue right now as I'm craving for something cool in the ambiance these days.

5) Look to your right. What is the first thing you see?

The television set.

6) Who was the last person to send you a letter in the mail?

Online school.

7) What did you order the last time you went out to eat?

Halo Halo, a Filipino cold dessert. I really love it!

8) How good are you at delaying gratification?

Moderately. Although sometimes I can't resist something good especially when it comes to food.

9) What is your favorite "fair food"?

Ice Cream! Buco salad flavored.

10) What was the last thing you baked?

I don't know how to baked. Sorry.

11) Are you a good speller?

Yes, it is something I'm really good at. I'm a spelling freak ever since.

12) When was the last time you went sledding?

I've never been. I live in a tropical country so didn't get the chance to sled in the snow.

13) How many times have you been called for jury duty?

Never. I'm a good girl.

14) Scrubs, ER or Grey's Anatomy?

I'm a big fan of ER but didn't catch up its whole episode per season. As well as Grey's Anatomy, I'm a super big fan because of McDreamy and Meredith Grey.

15) What do you try to stay away from?

Noisy and cynical people.

16) What is your favorite magazine?

Reader's Digest is one of my favorite magazine since I was a kid so I collect a few copies.

17) Do you set your alarm clock on the weekend?

No, I just go on with what anything goes on through the day. That's the perks of living one day at a time.

18) When you attend a wedding do you tend to give cash or buy something off the registry?

Well, I try to give something memorable but cash is still practical.

19) Have you ever shot a bow and arrow?

Nope. I'm not an athletic person.

20) What did you last receive in the mail?

Study materials for online class.

Maddening heat, blah blah!

It's the time in the year again where scorching heat is so visible no matter what you do. Well, I live in a tropical country so the summer weather is pretty much we have here lately.

Although I prefer a bit of rainy days that is when I can just be carefree and going on with the day. I'm missing the beach and all the fun it brings when I get totally burn out with the city life. I tired of my everyday routine. Online class. Online writing jobs. Me catching up my favorites shows. Pretty much with the same old brand new monotonous everyday itinerary.

Just don't get me wrong. But that is what it is.

To be continued...